Jade opens up about the tension and difficulties in her past marriage, and the sexual dynamics of subtle pressure and coercion she experienced in the marriage and in her earlier dating. Maturity and emotional safety are at the core of her current partnership and it revolutionizes her sex life. She’s now in love with her girl parts!
Jade is a 51-year-old, cisgender female who describes herself as bisexual, monogamous, in a relationship, and the mother of 2 children who are still at home. She has had 2 miscarriages and still gets her period. She describes her body as slender.
Countering Culture: Jade shares that although she knew her husband (at the time) never would have actually forced her into sex, she felt the pressure to satisfy his needs because she—along with most of the rest of us—grew up immersed in a culture that frames it as a “wifely duty” and bases a woman’s value (and therefore social safety) on being a “good” wife.
- 2:36 – Jade’s first memory of sexual pleasure is at age 10, having a sexual fantasy in a swim club sauna.
- 5:36 – Her first memory of masturbating is at age 13 while reading Clan of the Cave Bear (ironically given to her by her father), and then mounting her giant teddy bear.
- 10:21 – She meets her first boyfriend in high school; he’s a few years older. She assumes that love leads to marriage leads to sex, but she knows from her Catholic upbringing she’s not supposed to have sex out of wedlock. She and a friend find a bible and search through until they find what they interpret as permission.
- 15:09 – She experiences her first intense, magical state of turn-on with her second boyfriend.
- 17:07 – Jade shares how the relationship with her first college boyfriend leads her into subtle but uncomfortable sexual dynamics.
- 22:33 – Her first marriage hits tension early on. The birth of their first child adds both joy and more difficulty; her husband feels sexually frustrated, and she feels pressured.
- 27:52 – After ongoing and increased tension after their second child, she makes the decision to separate. They work on their issues and re-unite, but the relationship is still “messy.”
- 36:11 – Six months after leaving the marriage, much to her surprise, Jade starts having sexual feelings again. She re-enters the dating world and discovers some unmet emotional needs with her first post-divorce lover. After dating a few men, she meets her current partner and experiences a whole new level of sexuality.
The Lowdown (42:46)
- Do you have sex during your period?
- What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
- Are you generally more active or more passive during lovemaking?
- What’s your favorite part of your body?
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
- Jade talks about her adventures in non-monogamy
- Jade talks about what she learned in her childhood home about sex – including why her mother got married to her father
- The extended Lowdown Q&A
ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!! They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.
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Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak