Mel had plenty of boyfriends but had trouble being faithful. She has chosen ethical non-monogamy as a way of meeting her variety of relational and physical attractions and needs.

Public Service Announcement:

If you think monogamy is the vanilla prison for which there is no safe word, or find yourself cheating yet again to get your needs met, it may be time to think outside the box. Relationships—both romantic and play—can accommodate a variety of numbers, shapes, and parameters. For anything from regular group sex to family game night households, consider polyamory.

Bookmark moments:

  • 3:03 – Mel’s first memory of sexual pleasure is of rubbing against her pillow at age 7 when sent to her room for a “nap.”
  • 8:55 – She started having sex at 14 with a boyfriend and had a great first experience.
  • 12:31 – Mel talks about her first lesbian encounter with an older mystery rich woman.
  • 14:13 – She describes how she is attracted to and attaches to women differently.
  • 17:37 – Mel opens up about an abortion at 18. She got pregnant with a Swedish foreign exchange student.
  • 19:02 – Mel tells “the story” from college, about the time she wrote a song for a disastrous first date with the future author of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
  • 22:18 – She talks about how her height (very petite) has affected her body image and confidence, the pressure to be thin growing up in the south, and about her shape fluctuations after motherhood.
  • 28:35 – During grad school Mel was in a “friendly” relationship with good-but-boring sex and accidentally became a mother.
  • 29:22 – She opens up about the fact that she has cheated in every past relationship, and what drove her. She talks about exploring the relationship model of ethical non-monogamy.
  • 31:35 – Mel explains that she loses part of herself when she’s only with one person because she over-adjusts to the dedicated partnership.
  • 37:35 – She talks about her current “triad” with a man and woman and two separate relationships with men.
  • 45:32 – Menopause has been non-catastrophic for Mel!

Resources mentioned:

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • Mel talks about how she responded to her parent’s divorce and to being anally raped
  • The extended Q&A

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Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak