Jessica is one of so many women who have been told, “You have such a pretty face, if you could only lose 50 pounds…”

During her teenage years, she allowed that to define her perception of herself.  Then, at the end of high school, she discovered that there were cute clothes that fit her body and she could show off her curves and get attention. And that’s just the beginning of the story!

Jessica is a 38-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and married to a man.  She grew up in the United States, has one child, and calls her body curvy and plus size.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

  • 3:35 – Jessica’s first memory of sexual pleasure is from the bathtub
  • 7:00 – She discovers masturbation around age 10, and checks out a book on sexuality from the library.
  • 9:30 – Jessica’s school lacked any helpful sex education — they only discussed physical secondary sex characteristics and periods.
  • 12:05 – Experimenting with kissing boys but not having boyfriends early on, she developed physically ahead of her classmates and noticed the differences
  • 14:30 – She loses her virginity to a guy she barely knows in an unremarkable and vaguely humiliating way
  • 15:30 – After losing her virginity, she avoids dating/interaction for a year
  • 19:03 – Her attraction to women and her first dating relationship with a woman
  • 20:10 – Being told by her own father to lose weight, being bribed to lose weight, and dressing in baggy men’s clothes to hide her body. Eventually, she finds clothes in her size and begins to show her curves
  • 22:00 – Using sex to gain attention from men
  • 24:30 – Meeting her husband and how he was different from other men she’d dated
  • 26:33 – The power she felt when she was able to seduce men while being promiscuous in her 20’s, and how it may have been a response to the powerlessness she felt when she lost her virginity. It was emotionally unfulfilling but she felt good about her body and her sexual power.
  • 31:00 – A non-consensual experience during a BDSM scene, and later realizing it was rape
  • 34:00 – Leah talks does some myth-busting around dom/sub (BDSM) relationships and assault.
  • 37:30 – Jessica’s sexual relationship with her husband, how she is the more experienced partner and has taught him how to please her

The Lowdown (42:15)

  • What do you consider to be the kinkiest thing you enjoy?
  • Is there something you fantasize about but have never asked for in real life?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • Available FOR ALL – How to talk to her husband about making sex last longer without hurting his feelings
  • $7/month – Extended Lowdown Q&A


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Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak