Stacey grew up aware of and comfortable with her own pleasure from an early age. She has a daughter and is twice divorced. She’s had a rich sex life, and now finds happiness, satisfaction, and opportunity for personal growth in open relationships.
Stacey is a 45-year-old, cis-gender female, who describes herself as Black, heterosexual, and non-monogamous. She is currently single and open to exploring a relationship with a “primary partner.”
This is a re-broadcast of episode 5.
Public Service Announcements:
How to be multi-orgasmic, step 1: Pay attention to what is happening and where. “My whole thing is staying in the room.”
How Healing Happens: Stacey has a moment of deep personal growth when she realizes that the anger she was able to openly display to her mom was misplaced anger she was really feeling towards her emotionally unavailable father: “Love makes us feel safe enough to be horrible.”
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
- 4:58 – Her first memory of sexual desire, at about age 6, is of playing with a “male” doll and rubbing its hand on her vulva.
- 6:35 – Stacey shares early childhood memories of making out with girls, imitating intimacy as she sees in families on TV, and low-level sexually exploring for pleasure with a male cousin. She knows enough to keep these secrets from grownups.
- 10:18 – She talks about her first make-out as a teen.
- 11:38 – Pleasure dynamic in sexual explorations and experiences is focused on herself even from the start.
- 12:10 – She tells the story of losing her virginity.
- 14:00 – Stacey tells her mom she’s had sex.
- 16:30 – She associates the ability/need to communicate with feelings around intimacy, and notes the difference between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy.
- 20:10 – Stacey realizes she’s been able to work through anger by directing it at her mother, because her mother was emotionally available for it.
- 26:50 – Stacey embraces being comfortable with sexuality with her own daughter, and talks about the positive energetic impact of good sex.
- 28:00 – Stacey opens up about her first “real” boyfriend, the distinction being that it was “reciprocal.”
- 28:43 – She meets her first husband.
- 31:35 – She currently practices ethical non-monogamy, but shares how non-monogamy was more like cheating with earlier relationships and marriages. She also shares what it looks like with her current lovers.
- 40:42 – Stacey and Leah discuss orgasms, and ways to be multi-orgasmic.
The Lowdown (39:40)
- Approximate number of partners?
- Favorite sex position?
- Favorite sex toy?
- Sex during your period?
- Do you have hair down there, or are you bare?
- Do you have single orgasms or are you multi-orgasmic?
- Do you swallow or not?
- How much noise do you make during sex?
- Do you prefer penetration or clit stimulation?
- Do you prefer to be the giver or the receiver of sexual pleasure?
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
- The full, unedited interview with Stacey, available to all patrons at $5/month and up.
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Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak