Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage. Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal birth defect.
Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and peri-menopausal. She describes her body as “very average.”
How Healing Happens: Sex workers can play a critical role in sexual healing. It’s a safe space with clear boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what *does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.
- 4:25 – Lynn’s first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9, with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious misconception but she knows not to ask questions.
- 11:11 – She experiments with touching and kissing with her best friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex ed.
- 17:56 – As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls prey to attention of older men.
- 24:14 – She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets pregnant, he gets violent.
- 34:48 – Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the works.
- 38:41 – The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their emotional bond.
- 41:49 – Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first.
- 45:42 – After some deep introspection, she suggests an alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker.
- 53:30 – Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken.
- 54:00 – They go to the sex worker together for their anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with the sex worker.
- 1:03:30 – Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social disapproval.
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
- Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was it healthy? Is it possible that it could be some combination of both?
- Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son. We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has changed since menopause.
- The extended Lowdown Q&A
ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!! They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.
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Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak