In this episode of Good Girls Talk About Sex, we talk with Dr. Evelin Dacker, a cis-gender half-Mexican, half-Jewish polyamorous woman who is 53 years old.
Evelin is a sex-positive physician in Eugene, Oregon and the CEO of Sex Positive Portland, an organization dedicated to understanding and exploring all aspects of human sexuality. She is also the creator of the STARS Talk, a format for talking about your sexuality and preferences so that we can ALL have more satisfying sexual encounters with both current and new partners.
- 3:30 – Evelin’s history with masturbation from the time she was a baby
- 5:45 – Judy Blume’s books as sex education
- 6:45 – How the ability to self-pleasure replaced a desire for sex as a teenager
- 7:45 – Learning compersion
- 8:38 – Distinguishing between open relationships and cheating
- 9:34 – The relationship Evelin defines as “primary”
- 11:46 – Meeting her spouse on a beach in Thailand
- 12:42 – What is NRE? (Hint: New Relationship Energy)
- 13:49 – The mismatches in the relationship with her spouse
- 14:28 – The effects of being married to an alcoholic
- 15:08 – How the story of their meeting kept her marriage together
- 15:45 – The terrible side effects Evelin experienced with birth control pills
- 17:45 – The distinction between moving sexual energy and sensual energy while having sex
- 19:08 – Yucking her yum
- 20:20 – The answer Evelin knew but didn’t want to know: she didn’t feel safe
- 22:40 – The discovery that saved Evelin’s soul: Roller Derby
- 24:37 – The re-emergence of Evelin’s bisexuality
- 27:30 – Sober vs. dry drunk
- 28:07 – Getting turned on by seeing someone flirting with her spouse
- 29:01 – Becoming an-orgasmic and looking forward to menopause
- 29:50 – Opening the relationship
- 31:25 – Meeting a soulmate that supported Evelin through deep sexual healing
- 34:06 – The end of her marriage
- 35:30 – Taking oral sex class – four times!
- 36:10 – Discovering polyamory
- 37:15 – The evolution of the relationship with her spouse now that they are no longer married
- 38:20 – The Quick Five
In this episode, we mentioned the following resources:
- Evelin’s TEDx Talk – Seeing STARS: A stimulating safer sex talk
- Book – Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel
- Movie – Henry and June
- Television series – Portrait of a Marriage
- Retailer and education center – She Bop is a women-owned sex toy boutique in Portland, Oregon
You can find Evelin online at www.EvelinDacker.com.
Instead of a Patreon episode this week, we’ve got a full bonus episode where Evelin explains the STARS conversation and then you can hear me demonstrate it with a friend. If you like what you hear on this podcast, please consider becoming a community member at Patreon.
Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music by – Nazar Rybak