Voluptuous Leah is a plus-size model and Instagram influencer. At the time this episode is released, she has over 166,000 followers and she regularly posts photos of herself, her adorable dog Luna, cute plus-size fashion, and plus-size lingerie. You can find her on Instagram at Voluptuous Leah and her website at www.VoluptuousLeah.com
Voluptuous Leah is a 31-year-old, cisgender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, plus-size, and in a new relationship while going through a divorce from her previous husband.
The major theme in this episode is sex as a plus-sized women.
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT (CLICK TO OPEN)
LEAH: Welcome to Good Girls Talk About Sex. I’m sex educator and sexual communication Leah Carey and this is a place to share conversations with all sorts of women about their experience of sexuality. These are unfiltered conversations between adult women talking about sex. If anything about the previous sentence offends you, turn back now! And if you’re looking for a trigger warning, you’re not going to get it from me. I believe that you are stronger than the trauma you have experienced. I have faith in your ability to deal with things that upset you. Sound good? Let’s start the show!
LEAH: Hi friends. Today, we’ll meet Leah. Not me, another Leah. She’s actually an Instagram influencer as a plus size model. At the time of our interview, she has close to 150,000 followers and she regularly photos of herself, her adorable dog Luna, cute plus size fashion, and plus size lingerie. You can find her on Instagram at VoluptuousLeah and I’ll put that on the Show Notes.
I want to acknowledge how challenging it can be for people who have a public persona to come on this show and open up about their sex lives. The majority of the women you hear on this program are either using just their first name or they’re using a fake name entirely. It allows them to be completely open and honest, both good and bad in the bedroom.
Now, imagine having that conversation for the world to hear when you know that people will be able to connect your face and your name to your story. I actually have a list of well known people I’d love to interview, but getting them on the record will take time and building up relationships based on trust. Hopefully, someday you’ll hear some of those people on this show.
As for this episode, you may have noticed in your feed that it’s much shorter than usual. That’s because Leah and I had a lot of audio issues while recording but I didn’t want to delete the entire interview because I think she has some really interesting things to say about having sex in a plus size body. So instead, I went through and picked out the pieces of our interview that are audible. Regular listeners, I appreciate your forbearance in listening to this less than stellar audio.
If you’re a first time listener, you may not want to start with this episode. Go back an episode or two in the feed to get a feel for a regular episode before diving into this one. And, if you’re a follower of Voluptuous Leah who is here specifically to hear her interview, welcome! I hope you’ll enjoy it and stick
around to hear lots of other interviews with women of all ages, sizes, races, religions, sexual preferences, etc.
As for the formal introduction, Leah is a 31 year old cisgender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, plus size, and in a new relationship while also going through a divorce from her previous husband. I am so pleased to introduce Leah!
LEAH: I am so excited today to be talking to my guest for two reasons. One is that we have been connected for a few years through my work in the personal development field and her work as a body positivity, I don’t know if activist is the right word, but certainly an influencer. And I’m also excited because her name is also Leah. So Leah, welcome to the podcast.
V. LEAH: Hello. Thank you. It’s nice to finally connect with you.
LEAH: Yes, finally. So you are on Instagram under the handle VoluptuousLeah and you sort of I guess kind of put it all out there. And that’s one of the things I love about you is not just that you wear fun, pretty clothing and even do lingerie as a plus size model, but also that you kind of put yourself right out there front and center and tell people what your fears and your anxieties and all of that and I really, really appreciate that about you.
V. LEAH: So there’s people who may be feeling alone. “It’s only happened to me.” And I like to sort of eliminate basically that where I can because I know that women and people in general already have so many issues going on, which is easy for me to put myself out there and figure they’ll do it.
LEAH: Awesome. My first question with everyone is what is your first memory of sexual pleasure?
V. LEAH: I would say actual pleasure definitely in my 20s.
LEAH: What about as a kid or as a teenager, did you discover your own body? Did you start masturbating at some point earlier than that?
V. LEAH: Yeah, a little. But again I kind of just like doing it but then I don’t think I ever reached an orgasm through masturbating until I was in my 20s.
LEAH: So that’s actually pretty common. That’s not at all unusual. But do you have pleasure when you’re masturbating even if you didn’t come to a climax?
V. LEAH: I guess I would have.
LEAH: Yeah. And so what were you hearing in your family about sex and sexuality? Was it an open topic?
Was it something that was very taboo?
V. LEAH: I never got any sort of talk as a kid or anything. It wasn’t really talked about.
LEAH: Yeah. Were you curious? Did you want to talk about it?
V. LEAH: No, no that I remember. I don’t think that I wanted to talk about it with family or anything, with friends, yeah.
LEAH: Yeah, so that was my next question. Were you talking with friends and what were you learning from your friends about sex and sexuality?
V. LEAH: My friends were doing sex.
LEAH: And was that intriguing to you like did you want to know more? How much did you talk about it?
V. LEAH: I remember one time when I was at Girl Scout camp, my best friend sent me a letter in the mail that she lost her virginity and she made it into like a puzzle to figure out. She drew an eye, so it was like code in case her mom or anything read it.
LEAH: Oh my Gosh, that’s funny.
LEAH: And so did you have crushes on boys when you were in high school? V. LEAH: One time I hurt my ankle because I was looking at a boy. [LAUGHTER]
LEAH: Well now you need to tell us that entire story.
V. LEAH: So 8th grade field trip and we were getting off the bus and the boy was sitting behind me and we got to the stairs. And I was turning around to look at him and I missed the step and fell right out of the bus and right under it, ankle all swollen, couldn’t walk, teacher’s carrying me to the car.
LEAH: Oh my goodness. [MUSIC]
LEAH: I’m breaking in here to let you know that unfortunately the audio in the entire section where we talked about Leah’s early sexual experiences was just too poor to broadcast. So I’m going to give you the highlights.
Leah didn’t date much during high school but she did have some awkward sexual encounters where she felt like she or her partner knew what they were doing. As a senior in high school, she spent the year in Bolivia. There she had a boyfriend and the sex was more enjoyable except that one time her host mother walked in on them having sex. Oh my God!
When she came back from Bolivia, she spent some time partying with friends, having one night stands and participating in what she laughingly calls sexcapades. When she entered college, she met the man who would then become her husband. We pick up the conversation here talking about her relationship with her plus size body and how that played out in the bedroom with her ex-husband.
LEAH: Because of the work that you do, because you are a plus size model, I want to talk a bit about your relationship with your body and how that has affected your experience of sex.
V. LEAH: Oh my God, so much.
LEAH: Yeah, so let’s go there. Reading between the lines of the things that you post, it sounds like you
have not always been at peace with your body. Is that correct?
V. LEAH: Right. In the beach, I’d wear men’s board shorts, wear a cardigan, never wore shorts, things like that and things suddenly changed for me. I wore tank tops and things and then I think I slowly became more comfortable doing those things and started to recognize a different level of confidence and I think it definitely has. My sex life has changed, maybe even me realizing what I’m looking for in a man.
LEAH: So when you’re with your husband, your ex-husband, how did your relationship with your body play into your sex life?
V. LEAH: I don’t know if you ever talked about fetishizing on your podcast before. LEAH: Yup, absolutely, yeah.
V. LEAH: Yeah, I think I’ve experienced that.
LEAH: And for people who aren’t familiar with what you’re talking about there are people who fetishize larger bodies and it’s one thing to enjoy larger bodies and want to be sexual with them. It’s another totally different thing to fetishize them and see them as objects. So that it’s more about the object of the body than about the person who is inside that body.
V. LEAH: Being obsessed with the arm fat saying things like, “Hmm fat.” Things like that, I don’t know. LEAH: And did that make you uncomfortable?
V. LEAH: Yeah, definitely oh my God, yeah.
LEAH: What was it that made you uncomfortable about it?
V. LEAH: Oh my God, it just made me feel uncomfortable and uneasy like why the fat when I’ve got these great titties which also happened to be composed of fat?
LEAH: When he would say things like that, how did you respond?
V. LEAH: Sometimes I would just like, “Shut up”, pull away and roll my eyes and be vocal about it, say “I
don’t like it, stop.” Things like that.
LEAH: And was he able to hear you when you said, “Please stop”?
V. LEAH: Not always.
LEAH: Yeah, that’s hard. It’s really hard. And so over the course of your relationship, you said that you’re now getting divorced. What brought about the end of that relationship?
V. LEAH: I think we both sort of changed. I think I changed a lot as a person and grew a lot and he wasn’t able to grow and keep up. I think what I wanted in life was different. I maybe started to feel like I kind of needed a different person by my side, someone who was more supportive, who wanted to be part of what I do, things like that.
LEAH: And so you’re now in another relationship.
V. LEAH: Yup.
LEAH: And you found that. Does this new person fulfill those desires?
V. LEAH: Oh my God! Yes, he’s amazing. He makes me feel respected, appreciated, just overall in general a really great guy.
LEAH: I assume that he doesn’t make the weird comments that make you feel uncomfortable.
V. LEAH: Definitely not. No.
LEAH: Before we finish up, let’s get the Lowdown, the questions we’re dying to know but would usually be too polite to ask any good girl.
LEAH: Do you have sex during your period?
V. LEAH: Beginning and end, yeah.
LEAH: What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
V. LEAH: Somewhere between 10-13.What’s the average answer you get?
LEAH: There is none. I spoke with one woman I remember who is around your age, she’s in her early 30s, and she’s had sex with one person. And then I talked to other people in their mid-30s who say a 100+. There is not a standard answer.
And that’s part of why I ask these questions so people can hear such a wide variety of answers and so there’s nothing that is bad or wrung or shameful. There’s just your experience.
Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
V. LEAH: Well, here’s the thing. They’re just two totally different orgasms. I definitely prefer clit stimulation on my own. And then penetration I also really like I guess the squirt and stuff.
LEAH: Okay. Excellent.
V. LEAH: Do you think it’s generally easy or challenging for you to orgasm?
LEAH: It’s pretty easy for me both ways. I’ve actually timed myself and I can orgasm by myself within 2 to 3 minutes. I’m trying to be quick.
LEAH: Have you ever faked an orgasm?
V. LEAH: Yup.
LEAH: Well most of us have.
LEAH: Under what circumstances would you fake an orgasm?
V. LEAH: To get it done with.
LEAH: Have you ever faked it in your current relationship?
V. LEAH: No.
LEAH: What’s your favorite way to orgasm during sex?
V. LEAH: Well, Ideally I’d be like rubbing my clit while he’s penetrating me.
LEAH: And I know that there’s a book out there called Curvy Girl Sex that is all about sex positions for larger bodies. Do you find that you need to make combinations or can you kind of do whatever it is you want to do?
V. LEAH: Sometimes there are things you can’t do. Just like sometimes maybe your mass is too fat. LEAH: Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or from sex with a partner?
V. LEAH: Well, the masturbating is kind of better, but I like doing it while penetrating.
LEAH: Can you orgasm from penetration alone without clit stimulation? V. LEAH: Yeah, I can but it’s definitely different. It’s not that clit orgasm. LEAH: Yeah. What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
V. LEAH: Oh it just depends. It’s all a mood thing.
LEAH: Okay. What are your hard red lines? Things that you absolutely don’t want to do.
V. LEAH: Ooh, I don’t want to take it in the butt.
LEAH: Things that I also don’t want to do. I’m pretty open. I’m not open to bringing other people in but trying new stuff.
LEAH: So have you played with restraints? V. LEAH: Oh yeah.
LEAH: Yeah, you enjoy that?
V. LEAH: Yes, I do.
LEAH: And what about spanking or flogging?
V. LEAH: Oh yeah. I’m into spanking like being spanked nice and hard.
LEAH: Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you don’t ever want to do again?
V. LEAH: Something I’ve tried, I’ve been okay with. The face slapping, I would be okay without doing that again in life.
LEAH: How do you feel about your partner masturbating without you in the room?
V. LEAH: I guess he knows it’s normal. And I remember that he can do it because I can do it.
LEAH: Yes it is normal but that doesn’t mean everybody feels okay about it.
V. LEAH: I don’t know. I didn’t use to feel okay about it a couple of years ago but I don’t know people
just do it. We got to do it.
LEAH: How do you feel about your partner watching porn?
V. LEAH: I’d much rather have him be watching porn than be talking to real people. I know that porn people are real people but it’s their job.
LEAH: Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
V. LEAH: So currently at this moment, it’s bare. Sometimes it goes away, usually you plan it up with a
period or maybe bikini time or lingerie shoots.
LEAH: have you ever had a threesome or more?
V. LEAH: Not really, no.
LEAH: And you said a few minutes ago that you’re not really interest in bringing another person in. V. LEAH: I’m not.
LEAH: Do you enjoy giving blow jobs?
V. LEAH: Yes. Oh yeah.
LEAH: Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
V. LEAH: Sometimes it depends. I definitely find for that I have to be in the mood.
LEAH: And when you’re not in the mood does it not feel good or does it just make you kind of squicked out or what?
V. LEAH: Maybe sometimes I don’t’ feel good or I just like want to be in the moment for it and I find that for oral I have to be in the moment.
LEAH: Do you ever worry about your smell or taste?
LEAH: Don’t we all? [LAUGHTER]
LEAH: How do you feel about ass play and this isn’t necessarily anal sex just having your ass played with in general?
V. LEAH: I can’t. I’m not into it.
V. LEAH: I used to do it. I’m not into it.
LEAH: Okay. And do you give it to your partner?
V. LEAH: No. Not into it.
LEAH: Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?
V. LEAH: No, don’t even.
LEAH: Okay. Do you enjoy laughter during sexual encounters? V. LEAH: I laugh often. I mean if you’re not laughing, it’s not sex. [LAUGHTER]
LEAH: Oh, I like that.
LEAH: Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?
V. LEAH: When you’re crying but you’re horny.
LEAH: Oh, interesting. What’s your favorite part of your body? V. LEAH: My lips.
LEAH: What’s your least favorite part of your body?
V. LEAH: It’s always going to be the arms.
LEAH: What is something about your current sex life that isn’t quite as satisfying as you’d like it to be?
V. LEAH: It’s kind of new in our relationship so we haven’t dug into some new stuff yet. Yeah, I’m looking to dig.
LEAH: What belief did you have sex as a child or teenager that you wished you could correct now? V. LEAH: That it’s just for pleasure but I also really like the lovemaking, emotional connection.
LEAH: I see. So what you’re saying is that when you were younger, you thought it was just a physical thing and now it’s more an emotional connection as well?
V. LEAH: Yeah.
LEAH: Right. Well that is all the questions. You survived. We did it. [LAUGHTER]
V. LEAH: Wow, barely.
LEAH: So you want to tell people where they can find you?
V. LEAH: Yeah, sure like Leah said, you can find me at VoluptuousLeah on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and the website voluptuousleah.com. Hit me up on YouTube it’s all the same VoluptuousLeah. TikTok, I’m there too.
LEAH: Excellent. Well Leah, thank you so much for taking time to do this. I really, really appreciate it. V. LEAH: No, thank you. This is so much fun. I as a little nervous at first but this was a lot of fun. [MUSIC]
LEAH: Thanks for joining me today on Good Girls Talk About Sex. If you’d like to be a guest on the show, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also find me on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at GoodGirlsTalk.
I was only able to step outside my good girl box when someone I respected told me it was possible to do it. If you’d like to step outside a box that’s no longer working for you, I’m here to tell you it’s possible and I’d love to work with you. Join my mailing list to receive tools that help you name your desires and communicate them effectively to your partner or potential partners. Sign up at leahcarey.com. I’m Leah Carey and I look forward to talking with you again next time! Here’s to your better sex life!
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
- 6:40 – Leah’s first memory of sexual pleasure
- 9:00 – How she broke her ankle because she was looking at a boy that she had a crush with
- 12:15 – Her relationship with her ex-husband and how he fetishized her larger body
- 14:45 – Her new relationship and how he interacts with her and her body
The Lowdown – (15:20):
- Do you have sex during your period?
- What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
- Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
- Do you think it’s generally easy or challenging for you to orgasm?
- Have you ever faked an orgasm?
- What’s your favorite way to orgasm during sex?
- Do you need to make accommodations for sex in a larger body?
- Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or sex with another person?
- Can you orgasm from penetration alone without clit stimulation?
- What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
- What are your hard red lines?
- Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
- How do you feel about your partner masturbating without you in the room?
- How do you feel about your partner watching porn?
- Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
- Have you ever had a threesome?
- Do you enjoy giving blow jobs?
- Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
- Do you ever worry about your smell or taste?
- How do you feel about ass play?
- Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?
- Do you enjoy laughter during sexual encounters?
- Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?
- What’s your favorite part of your body?
- What’s your least favorite part of your body?
- What is something about your current sex life that isn’t quite as satisfying as you’d like it to be?
- What beliefs did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?
Sex in the age of COVID-19 (25:50)
**Please note** This episode was recorded in March 2020 and much has changed in our understanding of the disease since then.**
In the second half of the show, we talk about how to manage sex in the age of COVID-19 (or any infectious disease!)
- 27:06 – Is it okay to be intimate with your live-in partner?
- 30:32 – How do you keep the flame alive if you’re seeing each other WAAAY more than usual?
- 32:30 – Three Minute Game – leahcarey.com/threeminutegame
- 34:24 – Sexual Scientist – leahcarey.com/sexualscientist
- 37:12 – Bossy Sex – leahcarey.com/bossysex
- 39:55 – How do I bring intimacy back into my relationship that has become more like roommates than lovers?
- 41:05 – Dating while socially-distancing
- 42:08 – Adding questions to the STARS protocol to cover virus exposure (find the STARS episode at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-stars-method/id1436501617?i=1000430306198
- 44:20 – Sexting, sexy video chats, remote control vibrators
More links from this episode:
- Curvy Girl Sex book
- SheBop for sex toys – coupon code HUNKERDOWN (15% off online orders through at least March 31, 2020
- Sunny Megatron’s live stream about how to connect with partners and do sexy things when you’re self-isolating due to the virus – bit.ly/sunnygetvokl
If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls.
Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!
To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching
Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music by – Nazar Rybak