Betsy is a 38-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, straight, monogamous and in a relationship.

Betsy had sex for the first time at age 27, and after a brief period of one-night-stands, married a man whose sexual desires were significantly different than hers. She says her naturally high libido was “beat right out of me.” Today, divorced and reclaiming her sexuality, Betsy is with a new partner and exploring her long-suppressed interest in BDSM.

Last year Betsy came to me to do sexual communication coaching. She tells some of that story in this episode.

Major themes in this episode include exploring new sexual realms (with support from a coach), navigating a changing relationship with her body, and BDSM.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

  • 7:00 – How Betsy started to feel better in her body by doing a sexy dance workout
  • 9:30 – Her relief at losing her virginity at age 27
  • 14:00 – Betsy joins the bar scene and has sex with lots of different men
  • 16:50 – Settled into marriage, Betsy and her husband had mismatched libidos
  • 21:00 – Betsy’s dawning desire for BDSM activities
  • 24:00 – Betsy met her current partner and experienced immediate trust and opening of communication
  • 27:50 – The yes/no/maybe list (download at leahcarey.com/checklist)
  • 29:00 – The dynamics of a BDSM play sessions, including sub-space and post-mortem talk sessions
  • 31:00 – Betsy shares some of the specific activities she and her partner do during play sessions
  • 31:45 – Anal play, learning to use pain for pleasure, role playing and restraints
  • 35:00 – The role trust plays in her current relationship and how it affects all aspects of Betsy’s life

The Quick 5:

  • 37:06 – Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
  • 37:31 – How much of your sex time is kinky vs. vanilla play?
  • 38:42 – How do you feel about the smell/taste of your own juices if he kisses you after going down on you?
  • 39:06 – Do you prefer when your partner makes noise or is quiet?
  • 39:15 – Are you a single or multi-orgasmic woman?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • At the $5/month level, Betsy talks more about her BDSM relationship with her partner, including specific activities they enjoy and how important trust is in their relationship.
  • At the $7/month level, that conversation plus almost 16 minutes of Q&A!
  • At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Become a part of the Patreon community at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex!

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak