Orgasms aren’t the best part of sex – Christine

LEAH: Welcome to Good Girls Talk About Sex. I am sex and intimacy coach, Leah Carey, and this is a place to share conversations with all sorts of women about their experience of sexuality. These are unfiltered conversations between adult women talking about sex. If anything about the previous sentence offends you, turn back now! And if you’re looking for a trigger warning, you’re not going to get it from me. I believe that you are stronger than the trauma you have experienced. I have faith 9in your ability to deal with things that upset you. Sound good? Let’s start the show!

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Hey friends. Welcome back to another in our series of uncut interviews. As a reminder, I’m taking a couple of months off from making fully produced episodes. As much as I love the regular interview episodes and the between episodes that provide greater insight into other topics, they take a lot of time and energy to produce. So, while I focus on some other parts of my business, I’m presenting a handful of interviews that are recorded about a year and a half ago.

These episodes fell into a sort of no man’s land when it became clear to me that I needed to work much harder to increase the diversity of stories I was telling on the show. And not just racial diversity, but all types, people in different size and shape bodies, people in bodies of different abilities, people of different ages and socioeconomic brackets, etc. These uncut interviews are just as good as all of the others. They just got caught in the middle of these shifting priorities.

So, in order to keep giving you new content while also giving myself a break, I’m releasing these interviews in their unedited form. You’ll get to hear all of the stumbles and unfinished thoughts and speaking over each other that get cut out of a fully produced episode. Think of this as your behind-the-scenes peek into the interview experience.

Today, you’ll meet Christine Wild, host of the podcast, Running Wild with Christine. And if you’d like to hear my appearance on her show, go back to her archives to August 2019 and you can also find it at leahcarey.com/asheardon, where I archive most of the podcast episodes I’ve been featured on. There’s a treasure trove of over 50 interviews there if you want to do a really deep dive. Christine is also the author of the book just bad timing, which you can find on Amazon and I’ll link to in the Show Notes.

Christine is a 29-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, bisexual, non-monogamous, and in a committed relationship. She grew up in Switzerland, spent summers in Croatia, and now lives in Canada. I’m so pleased to introduce Christine!

I’m so excited to welcome you, Christine. I recently appeared on your show and when we finished, we were like, “That was such a fun conversation. Let’s do it again on my show.”

CHRISTINE: Yes! I’m so excited not to be the host.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: So, thank you for doing me this ultimate pleasure of indulging.

LEAH: Absolutely.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, I start all of my interviews in the same place, which is what is your first memory of sexual pleasure?

CHRISTINE: Oh, my first memory of sexual pleasure. It’s probably just a bunch of memories jumbled together tied to one person. I’m really bad actually at memory from before I was 15. I’m not one of those people who is like, “When I was 7.” So, I think my first ever boyfriend was this guy that I saw every summer because I grew up in Switzerland, but every summer we went to our holiday house in Croatia because my dad’s Croatian. And it was in a tiny little bay with no one around and there was just like 12 kids. Every summer, the 12 kids would come back. And so, one of them was my boyfriend every summer, but summers only from the age of 8 to 15.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Wow.

CHRISTINE: Yeah. And he was my first time too. So, I think probably the first tingle, it wasn’t necessarily a sexual act, but I think the first tingle or impulse would have probably been I don’t know how old I was, it was one of the summers, probably maybe 12 or 13, of tonguing like French kissing with him and just being like, “Oh what is that?” I guess it’s my first sexual memory with someone else. My own personal one, I probably don’t even remember. The first time I went, “Oh, what does this button do?” I don’t remember.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, were you masturbating from an early age?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I have memories of just humping random things.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Just being like, “This sounds like a good thing to hump.” But it probably just consolidated around 12, 13. That’s when I remember viciously humping pillows.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, it was around the same time it sounds like that you were vigorously humping the pillows and that you started making out with a boy.

CHRISTINE: Yeah, probably. I don’t know which one came first. I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t. Probably the kiss came first.

LEAH: Do you remember it being fun that making out?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I do. I do. I have very joyful healthy safe memories of my first sexual encounters, thankfully. Yeah.

LEAH: Nice. Yeah. So, how did it progress? It sounds like it happened over several summers. How did it progress from making out to you said your first time was with him as well?

CHRISTINE: My first time, yeah. I think we just had a milestone every summer. It just naturally was like, oh, just like a peck and then a peck and more and then blah, blah, blah. But I think the summer that I was 15, I was 15 and a half when I lost my “virginity.” It just was an agreed thing. It was a thing that was going to happen and he had lost his, again I’m using lost virginity because it’s the framework that we’ve been given, not that I agree with the definition of it. But he’d already had sex with other people because obviously we were only together in the summer. And so. he was like, “Yeah. I did it.” And I’m like, “Oh, I want to do it with you,” and then yeah.

LEAH: Was there any jealousy for you that he’d done it with somebody else first?

CHRISTINE: Actually I’m only thinking about it recently, but there wasn’t. He was a year older than me, so it was just the normal thing and I was actually quite relieved that he knew what he was doing.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: No, I don’t remember feeling jealous.

LEAH: Yeah. I recently interviewed a woman who said that what she had picked up from the culture was that it was better to do it with somebody else who already knew what they were doing and to be drunk.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I wasn’t drunk, which I’m surprised because I’ve been drunk a lot since.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: But no, oh my god, it was such a weird story. The summer house turned into a bigger house over the years. My dad built it up. And so, he’d finished this massive house that he was renting out while we weren’t there. And one summer, he forgot that I stayed that summer when I was 15. I decided to stay all summer and he forgot to leave a room for me, so essentially, I was living in the unfinished basement of this massive house, which was just concrete walls, a bed, a fridge, and no running water or anything. So, I went and showered at my friend’s. He was like, “Whatever, you’re fine. You have a bed.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And so, it was in that unfinished basement and a cat burst into the room while we were doing it.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And so, we had to stop and laugh and get this cat out. It was just the most hilarious situation, the most hilarious memory.

LEAH: That’s actually really nice to have laughter during your first time.

CHRISTINE: It is because it was terrifying. I wrote a book that’s a memoir. I remember vividly trying to remember that moment when I was writing the book and there’s a few bits and pieces of memory that stay and it’s this crazy new intimacy level and then his eyes and then me for a split second, me wanting to, “Go. Get the fuck away from me. Everyone, back up.” And then, after “the little teeny bit of pain” just being like, “Oh, okay.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I was just like screaming and then, “Oh, all right. Actually I can do this.” But yeah, it was very funny with the laughter. That was helping in relieving all the jitters.

LEAH: Yeah. Did you have pleasure that first time? Do you remember?

CHRISTINE: No. I don’t think so. I don’t think so. It was pleasurable in a variety of different ways in that I was happy to be sharing that moment with him. And I remember feeling that it was good, that it was a good way to do that and a good introduction, but in terms of orgasming or anything like that, it was nowhere near that.

LEAH: Yeah. So, you’ve mentioned that you grew up in Switzerland and that you spent a lot of time in Croatia. I’m curious to hear. And now I know you live in Canada. So, what kinds of messages were you hearing in your family and just culturally in each of those countries around sex and sexuality?

CHRISTINE: Well, my mom, I remember telling my mom when I came back from summer that I lost my virginity. And she was like, “Damn it. I wish you had waited six more months until you turned 16.” After 16, you’re fine and before it’s a little early.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: That was the benchmark. Because I grew up with a single mom, my dad was around, but they were divorced and I lived with just my mom. She was trying really hard to be open even though it went against every bone in her body. In her own life, I think very traditional and a little prudish maybe we could call it, but very open minded. So, she was like, “I realize. I can see from you that this is becoming a priority.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: “So, please tell me when it happens and be safe.” And then, as soon as I told her that it had happened, she was like, “Okay. I’m scheduling a gynecologist appointment and we’re putting you on the pill and blah, blah, blah.” So, in that way, it was very baseline. There was no conversation about pleasure whatsoever. It was safety, “Do you have feelings for them?” was a big question, which is funny considering my current attachment style. But yeah, it was just very prim and proper, but open. I don’t remember it being super shameful, but it wasn’t super informed either.

LEAH: So, what is the culture around sex in Switzerland?

CHRISTINE: The culture in Switzerland in general is you do you and the public, we need to be very proper. We don’t need to know.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: So, we had basic sex ed in the sense of, “This is a condom. This is a banana and so forth and so forth.” And we did have access to something along the lines of planned parenthood of just if you’re under 16 or under 18 and you needed to go talk about the stuff without your parents, there were frameworks and places you could go. But it was very much we don’t really want to know that you went, but it’s there if you need it.

LEAH: And what about in Croatia?

CHRISTINE: in the Balkans, it’s not talked about at all. You live with your parents. You get married. You moved out with your husband. We don’t need to know. Hopefully, you’re making babies, but how the babies come around, not a thing.

LEAH: Yeah. So, when you were with your dad and having all these experiences, were you talking to him about any of it?

CHRISTINE: No. I had a fraught relationship with my dad in my teenage years anyway, so I wasn’t telling him much. I don’t think it was just because it was sex. I think we just weren’t jiving at that point. And also, I just think he’s uncomfortable with feelings. He’s just one of those guys that just needs much longer. My friend tried to help me because I was struggling in understanding him and she was like, “Picture somebody who’s in a wheelchair and you’re asking him to run. Emotionally, he needs more assistance than what you’re asking him.” Yeah. I think if I had a relationship with him, I don’t think he would have been weird to talk about it, but I just didn’t.

LEAH: Sure. So, after that first boy, okay. So, you were 15 when you had that first experience with him. Did you then go back and later summers and continue that relationship or was that the end?

CHRISTINE: No. He got a girlfriend, a real girlfriend, that he stayed with throughout the summers after that. But we’re very good friends. We’re basically family now because we still saw each other every summer. And yeah, to this day, we have each other very near to our hearts, but no. After that, it was a lot more experimenting with not very memorable people.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, this was back in Switzerland?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I was in high school in Switzerland, so I think it was easier to do when I wasn’t in high school. It was easier to do it travelling or on vacations around summers a way or whatever it be. But yeah, in Switzerland, all over Europe. When you grow up in Europe, it’s like the location is a little blurry.

LEAH: So, you said they were unmemorable, but there was lots of experimenting. So, what kind of experiments were you doing?

CHRISTINE: Maybe from 16 to 18, I tried dating in the traditional sense of it and it just wasn’t for me. I very much faked it for a very long time. I was like, “Yeah.  Maybe I like you. No.” Yeah. I had sex with people, but I didn’t have crazy amounts of sex with crazy amounts of strangers. It still felt like a lot back then, so I think people just weren’t talking about it as much as I would now. But yeah, I would date people for a couple of weeks and then maybe have sex with, maybe not. It wasn’t a prescribed type of behavior, but I would follow wherever my body would be like, “Hey. Maybe I want to try this.” But it was also very much like follow a script that I was given.

LEAH: So, at what point did things become memorable again?

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: 18. 18, I met my first ever adult boyfriend I’d like to call him because he was twice my age and I dated him for two years accidentally.

LEAH: What does that mean?

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Well, we went on a not a date, date. It was not meant to be a date. I met him a while back. I was working as a bartender. In Europe, you do that when you’re 16, so from 16 to 18. I was 18 already. It was sometime in the spring or something. He was like, “Hey. We should catch up. I haven’t seen you in a while. I just came back from Africa on a trip.” I said, “Sure.” And we met up and we went from going to the lake to going for a drink to going for some food to me walking home at 4 o’clock in the morning having had sex with him being like, “Oh, yes. So, that happened.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And then, he was going to move to a different country for work a couple of months later and I was going away to travel for a year by myself, so I was like, “Perfect, friends with benefits, who cares?” I was embracing much more of my actual attachment style which is like sex is not really with feelings. In my body, they’re not related. They’re cool when they happen at the same time, but my sexual pleasure is not derived from how many feelings I have for the person. So, I think I was finally starting to discover that the people that I liked as people were not necessarily the people that I physically was attracted to as much. And so, I think it’s the first time I said, “I can have a fuck buddy situation” and I got roped into this thing by teenage hormones and naivety or something. And yeah, we stayed together for two years.

LEAH: So, how did you feel about the age difference?

CHRISTINE: I didn’t care, but I was a rebel at that point. At that point, I was like, “I’m going to fuck him at his house. I’m going to fuck him out of this country.” I didn’t want have anything to do with this puritanical fake attitude towards life that it should be work, work, work, maybe have a couple of kids, and then you die. So, for me, I had a hard time with mom because I really liked the fact that I could tell mom everything up until that point because the first guy was very age appropriate. It was a cute story and then I think obviously as parents would be freaked out when I started dating a guy twice my age. So, they knew. I wasn’t hiding, but it sucked to be more hidey than I would have liked to be. But other than that, I didn’t care. I didn’t feel like there was a huge difference. Obviously if you’re a dude in your late 30s or early 40s dating a girl in her late teens, early 20s, there is something that you share on some level. I was always a little more mature in my age and he’s been the same ever since.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And we’re still really good friends now, 10 years later we still hang out and stuff, but I’m like, “Oh, I see 10 years later a lot of the stuff that he was doing. I understand it now whereas it all seemed so mysterious and grown up back then.” I was like, “Oh, you were just scared of me. Cool. I terrified the living shit out of you. That’s what that was. Oh, interesting.”

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, how did that end?

CHRISTINE: I moved to Vancouver for university and he did not.

LEAH: To Canada?

CHRISTINE: Yeah.

LEAH: And so, you’ve been in Canada ever since?

CHRISTINE: No. I moved the very first time in 2009, so yeah, 10 years ago and then I went back to Europe for two years in 2016 and 2017.

LEAH: So, once you got to Canada, did things feel any different in terms of dating and sex?

CHRISTINE: Yes. It was amazing. I was in university. I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t have anyone that cared about what I did. I could do everything I wanted and not to be worried that the neighbor would tell my mom kind of thing. And yeah, it was a whole new page like a, what’s it called?

LEAH: Blank slate?

CHRISTINE: Blank slate. Thank you. And yeah, that’s when the fun really started.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, do tell.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah.  I’d be you would call someone who was very promiscuous in university. I moved to Canada. I was already 19 and I already had been a bartender. So, I started bartending right away, which is the legal drinking age here is 19. So, I was the hot bartender for as long as I know in university. Not only did I have the keys to the alcohol, but I was also funny and witty. And so, it was really easy for me to really get anyone I wanted and I took advantage of it.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. At that point, the number started racking up. I don’t know how I want to say this because it’s going to change how we talk about these experiences. But basically what I realized afterwards my early 20s were like a race for pleasure where a massive like, “I need to know how every single thing of this feels and I need more of the things that feel good” only because I orgasmed for the first time when I was 23. So, at that point, it’s 7 years into my sexual activity life span, which feels very long when you’re chasing an orgasm.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, had you had orgasms during masturbation?

CHRISTINE: No.

LEAH: So, you had your first experience at 23?

CHRISTINE: Yes.

LEAH: What was that like?

CHRISTINE: It was fucked up.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: To be honest, it was really fucked up. I always knew and I did a lot of research and I’m still the person who does a lot of research as you know from my podcast and stuff. I like to have information from anywhere possible, but I knew there was physically nothing wrong with me. I knew that my body physiologically worked perfectly.

LEAH: How did you know that?

CHRISTINE: Because there was nothing wrong with me. It wasn’t like sex was painful. It wasn’t like the “conditions” or conditions that a lot of women have that prohibit them from orgasming. I didn’t have any of those problems. My problem was my brain. 100% my brain and the fact that I wasn’t connected to my body. but I didn’t know it, the fact that I didn’t know how to relax. And my OCD is a huge problem because I’m constantly going a 150 kilometers per hour in my head and therefore, I was never really present in the moment.

LEAH: So, when you say that you weren’t connected to your body, what does that mean for you?

CHRISTINE: That means that I feel the pressure. And instead of going like, “Oh, this feels good. Where does this feel good and how and why?” which is what I think now when I feel pleasure, I focus really on the body and that feeling, I would still be in the performative script of being like, “This feels good, but do I look fat? Or did I turn off the oven?” These weird hijacking thoughts would just come into my brain and I can see now how my behavior then was very much trying to push it away, but in a very superficial way without getting to the root of like, “No. You need to focus on what your body is experiencing right now and why.”

LEAH: So, how did you come to that recognition that that’s what you needed to do?

CHRISTINE: Years later. The first orgasm didn’t come from that realization. The first orgasm came from a boy who repeatedly broke my heart and had sucked out the last ounce of energy out of my body emotionally I was exhausted and there were other logistical circumstances that through university that just made me a shell of a human. And as a last resort to really fuck myself over, I just booty called him at the worst of time and it surprised me. I think I just gave up and I was like, “Fuck it. This is so unhealthy, so toxic.  I should not be doing this, but whatever.” And my body just let go and just went past the hurdle. I would have a lot of pleasure and I would get almost to the orgasm and then it would shut off. It would be too much and my whole body was like, “Nope.” And at that point, all my defenses were down. And so, I just went over the edge and I was like, “Fuck. Now this is tied to you.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And then, yeah. That was worse.

LEAH: So, how long did it take for you to have that experience of orgasm with another person after him?

CHRISTINE: I dated that guy for two and a half years after that, which was a horrible mistake, but I was able to orgasm, so that’s good.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And then probably the first person I had an orgasm with after, I’m trying to think because that would have been when I moved to France. It was probably a random stranger.

LEAH: Was there a similarity between the first guy you orgasmed with and the next time? Was it something about how they interacted with you or was it something internal?

CHRISTINE: No, it was totally internal. It was totally internal. I think the next person, I was selfish enough in that moment to be like, “I need that to happen again and I’m not going to let anything else in my head interfere with this goal.” Not in the sense like in the act, but in the whole six months following having that breakup. I was just like, “Okay. Right now, it’s just you. And we’ll go back to being single Christine doing what single Christine does which is lining them up.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And just seeing what works. And yeah, probably just good chemistry, good timing, and trust like physical trust, not trust that they wouldn’t betray you or like that complicated intimate trust, just physical safety trust of just being like, “Yeah. You can play with whatever you want to play with. Go ahead. See if that combination of buttons does the trick.”

LEAH: Can you hear the woman having very loud orgasms in my apartment complex right now?

CHRISTINE: No. I really wish I could hear them.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: There’s a couple in my apartment complex who has very loud, very frequent sex.

CHRISTINE: I’m happy for her.

LEAH: I’m all about it except every once in a while, they’ll wake us up at 3 or 4 in the morning and I’m like, “I’m really happy for you, but I really want to sleep.”

CHRISTINE: Oh my gosh.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: It’s so funny that you say that because I recently moved into this apartment and everything’s cool. There is a bar around the corner which is sometimes loud in the weekends. But the other day, I’m home at a Friday night, which I’m never, usually I work and I opened all the windows and I could hear this guy. It’s the neighbor downstairs from my neighbor, so diagonally downstairs. And I could hear him yelling really weird things and I was like, “I’m pretty sure it’s a video game or something with headphones or something. Why are you yelling so loudly these random things?” And he kept yelling like, “I’m on fire!” And after 15 times, I was like, “If you’re not on fire, I’m going to come set you on fire. At this point like I can’t.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And it happened again a week later and it happened while I was texting my landlord who is his upstairs neighbor about something else. And I was like, “By the way, who is downstairs from you because this is the second time I’m hearing really weird noises coming from there?” And he responded like, “Bahaha.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: He was like, “So, that’s Tom. I’m pretty sure Tom is into BDSM.” I was like, “Oh, that makes more sense.”

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: That makes so much more sense.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I also have way more patience for that right now.

LEAH: And I really respect your landlord.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I respect my landlord and his neighbor and us, just a bunch of freaks living in this building. Get your freak on, just close your window maybe.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Yeah. You’re doing it at 3 in the morning, maybe put the gag on.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. So, yay to loud sexual neighbors.

LEAH: Awesome. I’m all for it.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: I was trying really hard to concentrate on your answer, but also like, “Wow. That’s really loud.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Oh my gosh. And it was so funny because I was bitching about the BDSM neighbor and Mark, my partner, was just like, “You do realize that we had an orgy here on Saturday night.” I was like, “Yeah. It was a Saturday. It’s Tuesday.” He’s like, “Does it matter?” I was like, “No. I guess you’re right. Probably someone else’s weird neighbor is me.”

LEAH: Right.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, now we obviously need to move directly ahead to orgies.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Oh, yes. Sure, if you want.

LEAH: Yeah. So, let’s just go there.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. Basically just a backtrack in the timeline, so I was in Europe for a couple of years continuing doing whatever the fuck I wanted, but with way more orgasms. And I came back to Canada for work and was like, “Okay. I’m definitely not going to get back into a relationship right now. I’m having a great time being single. I prefer this. I do not want to give up my life for anyone.”

And then I met my partner while I was starting to talk a lot about non-monogamy on my podcast and I met him in a non-flirty way. We met at work. And he was talking about the fact that he was not monogamous for the last two relationships that he had had and that makes it hard to date, blah, blah, blah, non-monogamy issues. And I was like, “That’s probably the only setting in which I would commit to someone emotionally again is if I was still able to retain my freedom to continue to experiment.”

Because at that point, because of my book and my podcast, I had interviewed people who were really into BDSM and really far into non-monogamy and really far into these cool frameworks that I was only just dipping my toes in. And I think right about that time, I also went to my first ever sex party like a ticketed sex event, not like a house party, which are also fun, but different. This was a willing thing. It was like you’re buying a ticket. You’re buying an outfit. You’re going into that outfit onto the street to get into this venue.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I decided to do that at the same time as doing molly for the first time ever, which probably was the greatest idea I’ve ever had.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Because they say molly’s only good for first time you try it and that’s it.

LEAH: Oh, really?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. It was pretty crazy because essentially all this hype of going to a sex party and then the MDMA kicked in as we were walking into the venue, so it just hiked up all of my feelings times ten walking into this flesh fest. It was pretty great. Nothing sexual happened at the party. I was just overwhelmed with watching everyone do their thing and it was liberating and amazing. And I highly recommend everyone should go even if it’s not your thing. Go and see how freeing it can be even if you do not partake. There is no obligation to partake.

LEAH: One of the things that I love in the community is the people say a lot that voyeurism is participation.

CHRISTINE: It is, but what I mean is like you don’t have a voyeur and get your kick from voyeurism to go. If you’re just curious and you want to experience being sexually free, yes, it is partaking and it will probably feel safer than you think it sounds. I never felt safer than at those parties. I feel much more unsafe at a regular club wearing clothes that I do almost buck naked in the middle of a kink party.

LEAH: Yes. So true.

CHRISTINE: And so, yeah. And then, I started seeing my partner and I think within the first three weeks, we were off to a party that I was originally invited to by myself which was an 18 person private orgy. And yeah, that’s how we solidified our relationship.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: It was pretty great. It was even greater telling my straight monogamous friends about it. I had as much fun doing that.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: So, you’re now in a committed non-monogamous relationship. How did the two of you navigate that? What kinds of relationship agreements do you have in order to make that work for yourselves?

CHRISTINE: Well, it depends on really how we’re doing. The rules are not established. They are constant conversations, daily conversations about how we’re feeling and what we feel like/want/would like to do. It started off very much open no rules because I was still quite busy with an open roster of people I was seeing before I started seeing him in a way. So, I was like, “I don’t know if I want to phase out these relationships or keep them. I don’t know how I feel about this.” And he was in the opposite spectrum of being single and lonely and hating life, so he was like, “You go ahead. I’m just happy to have you.” And then as our relationship progressed, I don’t even have that much time, so I think we just time-wise committed to each other and were keen on spending more and more time with each other, so it became very monogamish from the outside.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: But we’re still very much allowed to play separately, we just always address it first if we’re planning on playing with anyone else or going on a date with anyone else. It’s like, “Hey. Such and such asked me to go on a date. How would you feel about that?”

LEAH: Do you have the right of veto over each other’s dates?

CHRISTINE: We don’t really call it a veto, but yeah. In the sense that the only times that he’s ever said, “I would rather if you didn’t” is because we as a couple weren’t doing so great at that point in time. So, he’s like, “I’d rather you didn’t because I don’t feel so secure in us.” We’ve never really vetoed the other person mostly because of our attachment styles. He’s very conscientious about who he dates and he’s much more interested in them as a person. And therefore, they’re usually great people because he’s great. Whereas me, you don’t really have to worry about that because I’m not really sure I’ll see them again. It sounds horrible, but I’m more into the physical attraction than I am into the emotional attraction. And therefore, they’re usually more passing people and there are reoccurring people. There are people that there’s no vetoing because they’ve existed before and they’ll continue to exist kind of thing.

LEAH: And so, do you feel like you have a real emotional attachment to your partner?

CHRISTINE: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for sure. For sure, it’s completely different though. That’s what I mean. It’s like he and I have a relationship. My other sexcapades as I like to call them, they’re more physical and I sometimes need a balance because of how active my brain is. I sometimes need to not have an attachment. This is my best way to describe it to him. “It has nothing to do with you. I just need that part of my brain to shut off for this thing.” For example, there’s this one person that I see only for bondage. That’s like, “I want to do some bondage. I’m going to go see them” kind of thing. They’re very compartmentalized kind of roles that we obviously consensually and enthusiastically agree to with the other person. We know very much what the “transaction” is, but it’s not that I don’t like feeling emotionally invested in the person that I’m having sex with. It’s just that I don’t require it. Are there people that cross the lines?

LEAH: No, but that’s an interesting question. Are there people that cross various lines for you?

CHRISTINE: Yeah and I think all my toxic relationships from the past were those people who crossed those boundaries, especially that first orgasm guy like I’m pretty sure the chemistry should have remained physical.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Because the emotional labor and abuse after that was just not necessary.

LEAH: I think that’s so true for so many of us. We have an intense physical and chemical experience with somebody. I can definitely remember a couple of these myself one of which I feel like I became addicted to him.

CHRISTINE: Yeah. That’s how I describe that relationship. Yeah.

LEAH: He was emotionally terrorizing me, but the chemical in addiction was so strong that I couldn’t walk away. Had I been able to separate the emotions from the physical, maybe I could have had the really exciting physical experience without having been so traumatized by it.

CHRISTINE: Yeah. But I think it’s a work in progress. And honestly, I don’t think everyone is capable of it. I’m not saying it’s a practice that you get to. I honestly think some people are wired that way.

LEAH: And I think I am wired for connection, for attachment.

CHRISTINE: Yeah. Because I’m not and I find that when some of my friends are like, “I’m going to do that” and it backfires, I’m like, “You’re probably not wired that way and shouldn’t try it.” It’s honestly not that easy if everything in your body is saying, “I like this guy.” Fighting it is unnatural whereas my body doesn’t even need to fight it. It doesn’t even enter. It’s like, “Oh, ham sandwich.” And then, I don’t think about the ham sandwich anymore.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: It’s more like that. It’s more like a craving for food than it is like a craving for a connection.

LEAH: So, do you have particular kinds of sex with your partner and then particular kinds of sex with other people? Like you mentioned, there’s one person that you see for bondage.

CHRISTINE: Bondage is particularly different because you need skills. I feel like if my partner was to learn, I would do that with him. It’s not like a separation that I wouldn’t because we’re emotionally invested. It’s just this one person that I’ve been doing bondage with, we have the perfect connection for that in that we both have compatible kinks that work really well in those moments and we’re also intellectually interesting. So, rope takes a long time. It takes hours to suspend somebody. So, you need to still be able to maintain the attraction that’s chemical and also intellectual because you can’t be that turned on that long whilst suspended. It has to be a consequential experience. And so, that’s why I keep them around because it works.

But for example, I have a couple others that come to mind like one person that I love to have degrading objecting, but very respectful and consensual. It’s predetermined before like, “This is what we’re going to do and it’s going to be terrible, but it’s going to be great because we agreed to do it” kind of thing, which is harder to do when you’re emotionally invested with someone. It’s just more complicated to be like, “Treat me like a stranger.” It just doesn’t work as well for me because you’re not a stranger and I do care. And then, I find myself fighting my body which is unnatural. Whereas with the other person, it’s just this almost this fantasy of who they are. Like sometimes you fall in love with the idea of a person and then you date and you’re like, “Fuck. This is not who I thought they were.” Well, this is preserving that idea and just tapping into the idea and letting the idea live its life.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: So, it’ll be like, “I really enjoy you for this. I don’t want to know what you’re like at breakfast. I don’t know what you’re like when you leave your socks on the ground. I don’t want to know what your parents were like. I don’t care. I care about this and this weird phantasmagorical story where we keep a healthy distance from each other and then you can have your complicated stuff with other people. I’ll be your easy person on the side.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Basically, yeah, so that’s what I mean on different sex with different people. But it’s not like I wouldn’t have rough degrading sex with my partner, we do. It’s just different from that one.

LEAH: You mentioned in passing a few minutes ago that you deal with OCD. I’m curious that manifests for you and how it affects your sex life?

CHRISTINE: I think it’s a mix of being OCD and high potential.

LEAH: I don’t know what that means.

CHRISTINE: High potential is a high IQ term where you need to be doing three things at the same time to stay interested. It’s confusing because it’s the thing that made me good in school, it’s the thing that made me also sociable and popular in school because I could still shit talk whilst paying attention and get an A which also a lot of people didn’t like. But it’s by definition the thing that makes me able to have my job, my podcast, my book, and everything still runs, and do social events, and have a social life. And it’s what sustains this rhythm.

But physically in a moment where you’re supposed to connect to one thing, it’s very difficult to shut off. It’s having an engine that’s made for running at high speed and you’re asking it to trot. It’s just really unnatural for me to slow down and breathe and not do anything. And sometimes, sex can feel like that. It can feel like the moment where you’re supposed to turn everything off and be so thankful for getting to turn everything off. Whereas for me, it doesn’t feel that way. It feels unnatural. It feels like everything is out of my control.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Which is not a natural feeling for my body, so it can be really tough to consolidate those two feelings.

LEAH: Interesting. What is a question or concern that you have about sex in general or your sex life in particular?

CHRISTINE: A question or concern. I’m concerned about how it’s going to go into the future if I choose to have children and stuff. I’m concerned with the trajectory. I’m also concerned every time I have a downturn in my libido because they’re drastic waves of, “I need to have sex all the time” to “Nope. I’m going to do other things now. These are the things on my to-do list.” Again my brain just switches onto a different platform and just runs that way. So, every time, is this a sign of something?

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Overthinking the actual thing.

LEAH: How long do those periods usually last?

CHRISTINE: I still have sex. It just won’t be a constant thing on my mind and I find that it’s more of a constant thing of my mind when I’m not in a committed relationship. It’s a weird dynamic where I feel like when I’m emotionally invested, I sometimes find it a little harder to be as free spirited and nonchalant as I am when I’m single, which usually makes having sex easier when you’re not carried down by the stress of life. Whereas usually when I find a partner that I want to invest or invest with, we’re so on a track of how do I make my life better? How do I improve? How do I grow with you? All these questions become things that are awesome and healthy and important, but also less frivolous than the other stuff. So, I find sometimes that that balance is hard to keep at a healthy level. I just have to do fun things and do stuff that’s not as important or big or serious.

LEAH: Do you want to have kids?

CHRISTINE: I do. Yeah.

LEAH: So, how are you imagining that that might go for you in terms of your sex life?

CHRISTINE: I don’t know. I honestly don’t. First of all, I don’t know what it physically will be like because a lot of women have very different sex lives after they have children. And secondly, I don’t know what non-monogamous parenting looks like. We don’t have that script. We don’t have that image, so it’s just an open question. I don’t think it’s going to be any harder than monogamous parenting. I think it’s probably just pretty much the same, just scheduling date nights with other people is what I’m imagining it will be like.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: So, I don’t think it’s going to be any harder. I just don’t know what it’s going to look like. We’ll see what it does.

LEAH: Yeah. And I wonder if yours is the generation that’s going to start writing those scripts because non-monogamy is so much more accepted in the currently under 30 crowd. My generation, the mid-40s crowd, is like, “That sounds like a terrible idea.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I was going to ask. How is it for you being non-monogamous having just that decade difference?

LEAH: So, I’m in a monogamous relationship now.

CHRISTINE: Oh, you are?

LEAH: Yeah. And prior to meeting him, I was dating non-monogamously and really enjoying that, but also it was the first time I’ve ever done that and realizing that my attachment style is monogamous. I actually probably am at my heart probably monogamish in that I would be happy to have other experiences as long as they include my partner because I am really not okay with the idea of my partner going off and having other experiences outside of my view because my brain will create crazy pictures about what might have been happening. And so, I don’t want to put myself in a position of having to be okay with that by telling my partner that they have to be okay. Do you know what I mean?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. Absolutely.

LEAH: It’s just too complicated for my brain. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not totally open to going to sex parties with a partner and having threesomes and all of that. And we do. We haven’t played non-monogamously since we’ve been together, since we decided to be monogamous, but we do occasionally do things like go to sex clubs.

CHRISTINE: I think people underestimate how much of a bonding experience that is actually even if you are monogamous.

LEAH: Totally. It’s actually really fun and interesting. We can go and we can watch others and we can get turned on by that or we haven’t done more than make out a little bit at a sex club.

CHRISTINE: You can pick up stuff from others that you see like, “Oh, we could try that.”

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Or just the very conversation. I remember when we did this a couple of months ago, sitting on a bench watching a woman. The guy was on a high stool and she had unzipped his pants and had taken out his dick and was giving him a blowjob. She was still fully dressed on her knees. A lot of people were watching and the conversation between my partner and I was about, “So, what do you think of that? Would you ever want to do that?” It was not about, “Should we go play with those people?” But the conversation itself was hot.

CHRISTINE: It is. It’s exhilarating to be in the presence of “stuff that you only see in porn.” Stuff that you only see from a distance and I was going to say you can smell it, but not in a bad way.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: It’s in the air. It’s chemically there, so you could get off of it.

LEAH: Yeah. I think that I would have the idea before this period of my life that to go to a place like that required a lot of participation that I would not have been interested in and now I understand it requires virtually no participation if you’re not interested in it and that talk can be just as hot as action.

CHRISTINE: A 100%. I remember the first party that I went to. I was a bunch of friends and we were just sitting on the couch watching these people get spanked and doing things, all kinds of things. My brain was just like, “So much information.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: But it was also extremely freeing even if you’re not going with a partner to “spice it up.” It was just like those weird ass questions that pop up in your brain when you’re watching porn or pop up in your brain when you’re having sex with someone that you can’t ask those questions to or you don’t feel comfortable. This is the comfortable space where you can ask all those questions and be like, “Hey. I’ve never done that.” Or someone would be like, “I love that.” And you’d be like, “Really? You love that? Tell me more.” Just those conversations, they can be revolutionary in their own right.

LEAH: Or watching for instance somebody get spanked and being like, “Oh, now I understand how to do that better, so now I can take that home and do it better with my partner.”

CHRISTINE: Yes and which tools and which tools not to use.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Yeah. I think watching can actually be really great for our sex life.

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I think that’s why now when I do engage in anything now, it’s much more a conscious effort to be like, “How does that feel? Why does that feel good and why not?” As opposed to before when I was just chasing this story line that I was fed up of being like, “This is sex. This is what it looks like. Why can’t I orgasm? This is fucked up.” And also the orgasm is the end all and be all of all sex. It’s like, “No. it’s not.” It’s really not. It’s actually really not the best part sometimes.

LEAH: Yeah. That’s so true.

CHRISTINE: That’s okay.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And so, yeah, when you said is something that changed the narrative, I think it’s just the long progression of continuously trying to figure out what might or might not feel good, what are possibilities? What are options? And also I think in my brain bondage was a huge thing. I’ve not done a lot of it, but I dove in really fast because of my control issues. It takes control away. It takes every intuition I might have to reciprocate or focus on the other person because I enjoy giving someone else pleasure. It takes that option away so that you’re only left, the only possibility you have left is to enjoy what’s happening to you.

And that was huge in terms of mind frame change of just being like, “Oh, this is not being selfish. The other person is clearly enjoying doing this. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be doing this.” They wouldn’t spend three hours on this intricate thing of, “Am I going to cut off your nerves if I do this the wrong way?” Yeah. That shift of just being like, “Oh, yeah. No. This is totally okay.” And I think it’s even harder for women or people who present femme or grew up femme to be like, “Oh, yes. I will take and only take and by taking, I’m giving, but the act is taking.” The “performance” is taking the pleasure because you can’t physically give anything. Their pleasure is derived from you giving up your power of control. So, that was a big one. That’s a big learning moment.

LEAH: I see. I want to transition into the Q&A. So, this is more like rapid fire but you’re totally to welcome to expand on any and all of your answers.

CHRISTINE: Okay.

LEAH: It’s just less of interview and more questions. Okay.

CHRISTINE: Cool.

LEAH: Do you have sex during your period?

CHRISTINE: Yes.

LEAH: Do you enjoy that? Some women say that it’s even better for them.

CHRISTINE: Unless I’m having cramps. If I’m having cramps, then get the fuck away from me.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: If it’s a painful period, I’m like, “Hmm. I know you don’t care and I know I like it, but give me some chocolate and run.” But if I’m feeling fine body-wise, it can be better, but I don’t think I’m one of those people that’s like drastically better, it’s just that much more lubricated. So therefore, it feels good. I don’t think it’s a drastic difference.

LEAH: Approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?

CHRISTINE: Close to 200 probably. Something like that.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I lost track around 50. I can track up to 100 from my book. Actually, I had a list up util 100.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And then after that, sex parties started and that was over. But I think I will never, ever have a list again which is fine.

LEAH: Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?

CHRISTINE: I need clit stimulation. It’s a non-negotiable. But to be fair, I think my clitoris’s legs really enjoy the penetration. I think the two get me to my orgasm faster actually than just vaginal, that’s not even a thing.

LEAH: Got you. What is your favorite way to orgasm during sex?

CHRISTINE: When on top. Yeah. I think when I’m riding on top is probably my favorite. Although oral plus sex toys is a close contender. Yeah. Anyways, I think there’s no bad way to orgasm.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Can you orgasm from intercourse alone?

CHRISTINE: That depends on how you define intercourse. If it’s just a quickie, no, versus intercourse that takes hours. I’m having a hard time with words because we don’t want to call foreplay, foreplay anymore because it’s part of intercourse, so words-wise it would have to be a very long drawn out session sex with no oral for it to be intercourse that brings me to orgasm, if that makes sense.

LEAH: Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or from sex with another person?

CHRISTINE: Sex with another person.

LEAH: What kind of touch do you enjoy most?

CHRISTINE: Grabby. There’s no other word that I can use than grabby.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Soft is good, but I enjoy the most when I feel like compressed like someone is trying to squish you in a loving way.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: What are your hard red lines?

CHRISTINE: Anal.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I have this conversation a lot with my partner.

LEAH: Does he want it?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. He likes it with other people. I said he could continue to do that with other people.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: By all means, go get them. No. I think I’ve had anal a couple of times. It’s too much for my OCD brain. I’m just too concerned with pooping. I can’t let go. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with it. It’s just I think the input to my brain is still not trained to be like, “This is okay.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And also, my partner happens to have a very large penis and I just know. No, thank you. That seems painful.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: That’s my only actual hardcore rule though. I think everything else is very much open to discussion and trial and error. I think I did trial and error with anal already and therefore it’s now in the error category.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Got you. So, other than anal, are there sexual things that you’ve tried that you never want to do again?

CHRISTINE: I never really want to be peed on again. It wasn’t traumatic.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: But it was fine. It was nothing special for me. I will say the one thing that it did teach me was the same thing as bondage. It was the power that you get from being the submissive or being in one way or the other like the person whom the other has power over actually is crazy empowering. The side of this person who cannot refrain from wanting this thing that society says is wrong and rarely gets to do it. And you’re the one who’s like, “Yeah. You can do this.” And they’re whole like, “Ph my god. You’re letting me do this and you’re enjoying it and this is what you want. What?” That whole process was extremely empowering of being like, “Oh. Hmm, did not see this one coming.”

LEAH: Yeah. Interesting. Have you ever faked an orgasm?

CHRISTINE: So many.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: All of them up until 23. And some of them after that just because I was lazy. Lazy to tell them I’m not going to orgasm.

LEAH: Was it really lazy or was it just like this is not a conversation that I know how to have?

CHRISTINE: No. I think I didn’t know how to have it until I had an orgasm because I didn’t know. It was really hard that I wasn’t able to give myself an orgasm or anyone else to give me an orgasm because it wasn’t like, “Oh, I’m not going to cum because you’re doing it wrong.” I was just like, “I’m not going to cum because I don’t know why.” And at that point, I didn’t know how to have that conversation.

But once I started getting orgasms, I wouldn’t fake them for a very long time and then every now and then with just a random one night stand, it was lazy. I just thought they weren’t doing anything wrong. The bad ones, the experiences that were bad, I was like, “This is bad. I’m never going to cum during this. No one is ever going to cum doing this. You should really know this.” But stuff that was just good and I was tired and I didn’t think that the person would benefit from or knew already, then maybe in those situations. But I think now I’m past the point where I would fake it to get out of the conversation. The conversation doesn’t scare me anymore.

LEAH: Do you have hair down there or are you bare?

CHRISTINE: Either all or nothing.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I get a full Brazilian wax every four months. So, depending on when you get me in that cycle, either/or.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Got you. You’ve already addressed this. Have you ever had a threesome or more?

CHRISTINE: Yes. I don’t think I enjoy threesomes. No, I haven’t had a threesome with my partner. He’s always been fours or sixes or pairs. I think it’d be different to do a three with him. I think that might change things. I’ve had threesomes with being the unicorn or all three individuals. But yeah, I think that might be on the list, things to do.

LEAH: Have you ever had public sex?

CHRISTINE: Yeah.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I was like, “Did I?” And then, I was like, “Yeah.” Yes. I think 18 people counts, right?

LEAH: I think so.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: What was your first experience of porn?

CHRISTINE: That I can remember, it was probably traumatic. My early memories of porn were just like, “Why would you do this to a woman? That does not look fun.” Yeah.

LEAH: Do you enjoy giving blowjobs or oral sex to females?

CHRISTINE: Yeah, both. Just yes to both.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Do you swallow or not?

CHRISTINE: It depends.

LEAH: On?

CHRISTINE: I don’t know, a weird arbitrary judgment of whether I will like it or not. It’s the best way to describe it.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: With my partners, yes. With randoms, not always. Also depends on how I’m feeling. If I’ve had too much to drink, probably not because it could create some unnecessary movement of fluid.

LEAH: Aftereffects. Yeah.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?

CHRISTINE: I do so much, so, so much. Yes.

LEAH: Do you ever worry about your smell or taste?

CHRISTINE: I do. This is a thing I talked about with girls recently, with some of my girlfriends. I was like, “Do you get those days where you can smell yourself?” For some reason, you’ll be wearing full jeans and everything, and you’ll crouch down. You’ll be like, “Oh, I got a whiff of yourself.” You’re like, “What the fuck?” So, yeah, but it’s not a bad thing. It’s just like, “Why do I smell so much today like myself?” So, sometimes, but I think I address it now. Could you smell me? He’s like, “Yeah. It smells like vagina, but it’s fine.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I’m like, “Is it bad?” He’s like, “No. It just smells like vagina.” I’m like, “Okay.”

LEAH: I had this conversation with my partner recently because I am very aware of how I smell and I’m not always a huge fan of receiving oral sex. And then, I was saying to him like, “I’m feeling just like I smell and I don’t know how I feel about that.” And he’s like, “Do I ever smell?” I’m like, “Sometimes you get a little musky, but you smell like you and I like the way you smell.” He’s like, “That’s exactly how I feel.” I’m like, “Something about that just doesn’t compute.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. For me, it’s the weirdest because I feel like guys get musky if they haven’t showered in the last hour kind of thing. But the other day, I got out of the shower and I could smell myself. I think I was just ovulating to be fair and there’s a lot of shit we don’t fucking know as women or have hormones and go through cycles. There’s so much more we should know about our own bodies, but that’s besides the point. But yeah, I was just like, “Dude. I just came out of the shower like what the fuck?” He was like, “Again not a concern except for you, you weirdo. Stop worrying about this.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: And I was like, “Okay. Point taken. I’m going to go.” But I was like, “Now, give me head. This is not an issue. Get to work.”

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: How do you feel about receiving ass play?

CHRISTINE: Uncomfortable, but will allow it like light innocent ass play.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Like external ass play?

CHRISTINE: Yeah or maybe a finger in. I’m still uncomfortable with it but it depends on the vibe.

LEAH: Okay. How do you feel about giving ass play?

CHRISTINE: Not too fussed with it. I can or cannot. It’s up to them.

LEAH: What’s the kinkiest thing you enjoy?

CHRISTINE: Probably suspension bondage. Suspension, I would say, probably defines as the kinkiest.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: I don’t know. There’s probably other things I’m unaware of for now.

LEAH: Do you think that you orgasm quickly or do you take a long time?

CHRISTINE: Either/or. Sometimes it takes me by surprise and I’m like, “I need a break. Give me a sec. I think my body’s in overdrive.” Other times, it’ll take a long ass time. Yeah.

LEAH: Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?

CHRISTINE: That’s a strange one. I’m either appalled and never hear a word of it. I’m just like, “Please no talking” or I’m like, “Say this.” I’m more into sounds than I am into words I would say. I don’t like silent intercourse, but I don’t like somebody making sentences either necessarily. It depends.

LEAH: But I can imagine based on what you said about how active your brain is that sentences pull you out.

CHRISTINE: Totally. A 100% especially if they sound a little corny. I’m like, “Ugh. That does not work,” if that makes sense.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Yeah. Do you enjoy laughter during sexual encounters?

CHRISTINE: Yes. Laughter and crying both of those things. Some cry, it’s a thing that happens, but overwhelmed crying not sad crying. Just like my body doesn’t know what’s happening, so now I’m crying and laughing and who knows? Yeah.

LEAH: Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?

CHRISTINE: Yeah. Some people are like, “I’m not attracted to you, but my body is.” It’s very strange. Those people that you’re just like, “I don’t find you objectively attractive. I don’t know why I really want to have sex with you right now.” I usually have sex with them though. I guess it’s not confusing enough to stop me.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: What is your favorite part of your body?

CHRISTINE: I’m tying really hard to love all of it. So, right now, I’m quite fond of it. My favorite part depends. I oscillate between my boobs and my ass. It depends on what I’m wearing.

LEAH: What’s your least favorite part of your body?

CHRISTINE: Probably my belly. I think I still have some work to do on deconstructing weight culture and diet culture and shit. I think I lose and gain most in my belly, so I don’t know what it’s going to look and that’s the part that I don’t like. Whereas my butt could get bigger and I’m still like, “Yay my butt!”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: That’s super strange and my boobs, I lost a bunch of weight two years ago, so they’re way saggier, but I’m still like, “Yay boobs!”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: For some reason, my belly, I think I bloat easily and that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know, one of those.

LEAH: What is something about your current sex life that isn’t quite as satisfying as you’d like it to be?

CHRISTINE: I would like to have more time so that I could this and more. Other than that, I think we’re pretty good at communicating things we want to do and try. So, I think I wouldn’t necessarily change a thing with my partner. I think just more time to play more.

LEAH: What is something you fantasize about but never have asked for in real life?

CHRISTINE: I’m sure there’s tons of things, but I can’t think of one. I don’t know. I’ve asked for weird things.

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: It’s the opposite problem, it’s like, “Don’t say those words, Christine. That’s pushing it.”

[LAUGHTER]

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I don’t think that’s an issue with me. I think it just comes out of my mouth.

LEAH: What is a myth about sex that you’ve had to unlearn?

CHRISTINE: So many, all of them. Orgasm is the end. Virginity is a thing. Swallowing is slutty. Enjoying sex with people you don’t like is wrong, all of them. All of them.

LEAH: Christine, we have done it.

CHRISTINE: Yay!

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: Thank you so much. Where do people find you?

CHRISTINE: They can find me on Instagram as @christinewild_. They can find me on their favorite podcast app at Running Wild with Christine. It’s on all of them, so whichever one you want to use and you can find me on justbadtiming.com for the book, the podcast, the blog. Everything you want to know about me is on justbadtiming.com and the book is there too if you want to buy it.

LEAH: Thank you so much for having this conversation. It’s been a real pleasure.

CHRISTINE: Thank you. It’s been great. There’s so many questions I haven’t though of before, so it was super fun.

LEAH: Yay!

CHRISTINE: Yeah. I was like, “Oh, did not ever ask myself that,” so that was awesome.

[LAUGHTER]

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LEAH: That’s it for today. Good Girls Talk About Sex is produced by me, Leah Carey, and edited by Gretchen Kilby. I have additional administrative support from Lara O’Connor and Maria Franco. Transcripts are produced by Jan Acielo.

And I’m incredibly grateful for the financial support from Good Girls Talk About Sex community members at Patreon. If you’d like to support me in telling these stories and answering your questions, head over to www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. You can find Show Notes and Show Transcripts at www.goodgirlstalk.com. To ask a question about your sex life, your desires or anything to do with female sexuality, call and leave a message at 720-GOOD-SEX.

And before we go, I want to remind you that the things you’ve probably heard about your sexuality are not true. You are worthy. You are desirable. You are not broken. I work with women just like you to reflect their true sexual nature back to them without the judgment, shame or fear that can get in the way of us seeing it for ourselves. As a coach and PJ party hostess, I will guide you in embracing the sexuality that is innately yours no matter what it looks like. I’m here to help you sink so deeply you’re your true sexuality that the version of yourself that was scared to speak for her own needs feels like a mirage from another lifetime.

Until next time, here’s to your better sex life!

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