Season One finale – The Quick Five extravaganza

It’s the season one finale of Good Girls Talk About Sex!

When I began this podcast, I had the typical fears – primarily, I wasn’t sure it was any good! I’ve been overwhelmed and humbled and so grateful for the responses I’ve gotten back from you, dear friends. I’ve had feedback from people telling me deep, personal stories about changes they’ve made and things they’ve learned as a result of this podcast. Nothing could make me happier!

Thanks to every one of you who has reached out to me publicly or privately. I am so grateful to know that you’re out there and listening. It’s what makes me excited to be working on SEASON TWO as we speak, because I know it’s valuable to you.

My goal in doing this podcast is to help all of us – myself included! – understand that whatever we enjoy is okay.

To that end, on each regular episode I ask the guest a series of rapid fire Q&A for The Quick Five. Not all of those answers have been broadcast. This episode is a compilation of those answers.

I hope what you’ll take away from this is that every one of the answers is okay. However you do YOU and YOUR BODY is exactly perfect for YOU.

At the end, I’ll share my takeaways from season one of Good Girls Talk About Sex!

Good Girls Talk About Sex
Good Girls Talk About Sex
Season One finale - The Quick Five extravaganza
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  • Approximately how many sex partners have you had?
  • What is your favorite sex position?
  • What is your favorite sex toy?
  • Do you have sex during your period?
  • Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
  • Do you have a single orgasm or are you multi-orgasmic?
  • What is your favorite masturbation fantasy?
  • Do you swallow or not?
  • How much noise do you make during sex?
  • Do you prefer penetration or external stimulation?
  • Do you prefer to be the giver or receiver of sexual pleasure?
  • My reflections

Full episode text

LEAH: Hi, I’m Leah Carey and this is Good Girls Talk About Sex. This is a place to share conversations with all sorts of w omen about their experience of sexuality. Before we get started, I want to tell you this. These are unfiltered conversations between adult women talking about sex. If anything about the previous sentence offends you, turn back now! And if you’re looking for a trigger warning, you’re not going to get it from me. I believe that you are stronger than the trauma you have experienced. I have faith in your ability to deal with the things that upset you. Sound good? Let’s start the show!

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Hello friends and welcome to the final episode of Season 1 of Good Girls Talk About Sex. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be here for a couple of reasons.

One because I really love this episode, but also because it took more than a year to go from the very kernel of an idea of this show to when we actually launched, and right up through the beginning of the season, I had no idea if it was any good. As the season has gone on, I have been overwhelmed and humbled and so grateful for the responses that I’ve gotten back from you, the listeners. I’ve actually had feedback from several different countries all over the world from people from lots of different particular backgrounds telling me really deep, personal stories about things that they’ve learned or changes they’ve made in their relationships because of things they’ve heard on this podcast. And honestly, there is nothing that could make me happier than that.

My goal in doing this is to help us, myself included, to understand that whatever we enjoy is okay. And I think there’s so much confusion and shame and awkwardness around that, that it has made me so joyful to hear your stories. That is exactly the kind of thing that I was hoping would happen with this podcast. And honestly, it could not make me happier. So every one of you who has reached out to me whether publicly on Facebook or Instagram or privately through email or private messages, thank you. I am so grateful to know that you are out there and listening. It means the world to me. And it’s what makes me want to keep doing this because I know that’s valuable to you.

So, without further ado, here’s what I decided to do for this Season finale. Each week, as listeners know, I ask the guest a series of sort of rapid fire Q and A and I call them the Quick Five because I choose my five favorite answers from everything I’ve gotten from them, but I don’t ask them just five questions. I usually ask ten or fifteen questions and then like I said, choose my favorite answers. So what I decided to do with this episode was to compile all of the answers from all of the guests for this massive Quick

Five Extravaganza. What you’ll hear is me asking one question, and then you’ll hear all of the different answers to that question. You’ll hear a whole variety of answers to every question and I hope that that will leave you with the understanding that every one of those answers is okay. However you do you and you do your body, it’s perfect. It’s exactly perfect for you. So because I’m compiling a lot of different material from different interviews taken at different times and under different circumstances, the audio is kind of going to be a little more variable than your average episode but I think you’ll enjoy it. And I will be back at the end to talk a little bit more about my takeaways from Season 1 of Good Girls Talk About Sex. Enjoy!

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Approximately how many sex partners have you had? SPEAKER 1: 100+.

SPEAKER 2: 20, 22.

SPEAKER 3: 16.

SPEAKER 4: 12.

SPEAKER 5: Oh, shit.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 5: Over 30.

SPEAKER 6: 9.

SPEAKER 7: I just added that the other day. It’s got to be over 150. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 7: I lost count. I started a list but I lost count. [LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC]

LEAH: What is your favorite sex position?

SPEAKER 1: Doggy style.

SPEAKER 2: Missionary. SPEAKER 3: From behind.

SPEAKER 4: Oh, all of them. I have a very, very fulfilling and satisfying intimate life with my partner so I don’t think I could pick one truly, all of them.

SPEAKER 5: I don’t know what it’s called but like if he was sitting on a chair and I’m sitting on him. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 6: It depends on who I’m having sex with.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 6: I don’t really have one because it really depends on who I’m having sex with.

SPEAKER 7: I love being on top because I can get maximum pressure and my clit gets a lot of stimulation.

If I’m riding it right, I can rub my G-spot, it’s like all the things.

SPEAKER 8: I’m going to say doggy style.

SPEAKER 9: Going down on somebody.

SPEAKER 10: Side saddle, which means that I am on my side with my leg up and someone is fucking me on their knees on the bed.

SPEAKER 11: When I’m lying on my back and he’s like upright.

SPEAKER 12: Strapped up, behind him, with my hands on his hips pulling him into me. [MUSIC]

LEAH: What is your favorite sex toy?

SPEAKER 1: My hand.

SPEAKER 2: Oh, the rabbit.

SPEAKER 3: Honestly, anal plug.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 4: It’s purple and it has a variety of speeds and it’s small enough to carry with me wherever I go.

SPEAKER 5: Vibrating dildos. The one you can put it in or not.

SPEAKER 6: Hands.

SPEAKER 7: A vibrator.

SPEAKER 8: Oh my God, I just bought one the other day. It’s called the Womanizer so it’s totally on the top of my list right now because it’s awesome.

SPEAKER 9: A little vibrator egg it’s on a stick but has the little egg on the end. Those are very versatile.

SPEAKER 10: A vibrating strap-on.

LEAH: That you’re wearing or someone else is wearing?

SPEAKER 10: Both. I want us both to have an experience with it but probably them wearing it and me receiving the vibrations.

SPEAKER 11: Non-battery operated are my ropes. That’s easy. As far as favorite battery-operated, we have one that it’s sort of an egg with a tail and it has a disconnected, wireless remote that I can wear on my finger like a ring. And so I like to insert that into him and just sit and watch a movie and play with it.

SPEAKER 12: Oh, do I have to pick just one?

SPEAKER 13: I admit I enjoy a variety and we have a number.

SPEAKER 14: We have a lot of sex toys.

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Do you have sex during your period?

SPEAKER 1: Hell yeah. It’s like the best time because you could feel so much and it’s so much more open and lubricated.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 2: I think we did at some point a long time ago. We haven’t in the last 5, 6 years.

SPEAKER 3: No. Usually, my periods are very heavy and rather intense and I feel very tired. They take a lot of energy out of me so forget sexual desire, there’s not really a desire to do much of anything other than consume chocolate and live under a blanket so yeah.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 4: I have not had a period in quite some time young lady.

LEAH: When you had your period, did you have sex?

SPEAKER 4: Yes, if the gentleman in question was willing. Often, they weren’t.

SPEAKER 5: Yes, lots.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 6: Look, it stops when you’re fucking, so it’s fine.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 7: I do not.

SPEAKER 8: Yeah, sure. Why not?

SPEAKER 9: I had an ablation when I was 45 so I haven’t had a period since I was 45.

SPEAKER 10: Yeah, sure, if I’m not all crampy, yeah. It’s not the first day, sure.

SPEAKER 11: I’m not opposed to it. It hasn’t happened a lot. I did like it but I was also like self-conscious about it but the person I was with said they really liked it so that made me feel better.

SPEAKER 12: Yes. Now that was something that I came into as I got older. I used to be kind of squicky about it. He was like, “Whatever, put down a towel, we got a shower.” I was always a more “meh” about it. But part of the opening up that my partner and I had was definitely going all in. And for me, it was dropping some of the kind of shame and worry that I had about certain things and really accepting his acceptance of me because it was complete and it always had been. I just wasn’t really able to accept that.

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Do you have hair down there or are you bare?

SPEAKER 1: I’m very hairy. I have hairy armpits. I have a hairy pussy. And I have dark hair and I shave my

legs when it’s really hot outside and I’m only going to be wearing shorts.

SPEAKER 2: I love hair down there. However, it takes me some time to get the balls to grow it down there. When I’m first starting with a guy, I tend to be cautious and take everything off.

SPEAKER 3: I feel very sexy when I have a full head of hair down there.

SPEAKER 4: I have hair down there. I trim it because it just feels cleaner and also because there’s a lot of

gray hair down there. There’s a lot of gray hair up here too so what the hell. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 5: Right now, I am bare. I mean I let it grow and then I shave, grow, shave. Not grow like crazy but I shave regularly.

SPEAKER 6: Nope, I got hair everywhere. I’m over that shit. I don’t shave shit anymore. Look, if you want to be with this, you’ve got to be ready to go to the jungle.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 7: I shave but I don’t wax so I shave everything, maybe twice a week. I definitely started doing it because that’s how it’s supposed to be. I prefer now to have for my partner to shave so I usually do the same thing and I know that’s her preference too.

SPEAKER 8: I’m lasered, which is actually an interesting thing because in the body acceptance world, sometimes I wish I could just grow a big bush and rock it and I can’t.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 9: Bare. I got lasered at about 45.

SPEAKER 10: Fairly shaved, somewhere between 75-100% of the time I’d say. LEAH: How much maintenance does that require?

SPEAKER 10: It’s a pain in the ass. I wouldn’t say I shave every other day. I shave based on when I’m working. I worked last night so I shaved yesterday and then I work tomorrow, oh God, I’ll have to shave on Thursday too. Like if I didn’t have work until Friday, I’ll let that shit right until Friday.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 10: How much maintenance? As little as I can get away with. That’s the answer.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 11: I like having hair mostly because I hate shaving because I’m Middle Eastern and it sucks. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 11: Because I’d spend an hour just on my bush. I’ve discovered shortcuts in terms of clippers. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 11: I have gotten waxed down there, which I really loved but it’s expensive and then I get ingrown hairs. So I like maybe doing that two times a year because I really like it when it’s super smooth, it’s such a nice change, but trimmed.

SPEAKER 12: Oh, bare. At the moment, I’m still shaving but I swear to God, I have a significant amount of money, I’m just going to get all taken care of.

SPEAKER 13: Oh hair down there, all natural.

SPEAKER 14: I have very soft not curly so he actually prefers I don’t trim it and I’m like, “Fine.”

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Do you have a single orgasm or are you a multi orgasmic woman?

SPEAKER 1: I’ve never had multiple orgasms, so I’m going to go with single.

SPEAKER 2: I’m a multiple orgasm person with the right person. Sometimes that right person, in fact more often the right person is me.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 2: Sometimes there’s a little break and then oh my God, then oh my God, oh my freaking God! [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 3: I’m so fucking multi orgasmic like bottomless well. SPEAKER 4: I’m multi.

SPEAKER 5: Yeah, like in one sex session, if that session takes all afternoon, then I guess multiple but if it means what I imagine it means is like within three minutes, you have two orgasms, then I guess not.

[MUSIC]

LEAH: What is your favorite masturbation fantasy?

SPEAKER 1: Jacuzzi jets, people are watching. I don’t know I’m at one of those awesome pools in Vegas. [LAUHGTER]

SPEAKER 1: Or the Caribbean. I’m thinking about this right now, because I have many fantasies but this is the first one that popped into my head. So I’m going into the hot tub or Jacuzzi, and I’m naked. There’s like jets, four of them all around and the water’s really low with people watching.

SPEAKER 2: I’ve had a really big, big full day and I get home and he’s just like, “I got you. Girl, sit down. We’re going to put music on. It’s going to be great.” And then he just pleasures me and I don’t have to do anything.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 3: I can’t do it off of a fantasy. I always turn on porn and just for the first minute and then, I’m done anyway because if I’m using a toy, that gets you off so quickly.

SPEAKER 4: It’s always someone I don’t know. I have to make up a fictional character, which just speaks to how my brain works like a novel. So it has to be someone I don’t know. I can’t even give them a name that I am aware of. It has to be somebody completely not in this life and whoever the person happens to be, there’s always someone that I actually do know who is watching.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 5: Girl on girl porn.

SPEAKER 6: Fantasies like whatever I’m missing most at that point. I feel like it always follows some other emotional need. If I’m wanting attention then there’ll be like 30 people drooling over me in my fantasy. If I’m wanting intimacy, then it’s just a romantic, really close thing. Sometimes my baby fever, sometimes it’s about trying to get pregnant with this sort of anonymous person who is like the future baby daddy.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 6: So yeah, I guess it depends on what I’m emotionally needing at the moment.

SPEAKER 7: Usually, kind of a nonconsensual encounter of some kind. Usually, me being the receiver but sometimes the other way around too where I’m seducing somebody.

SPEAKER 8: It’s kind of sporadically like I’ll kind of forget about it almost for a while, maybe even a month or two and then I’ll usually it’ll happen when Peter’s gone to work. When he’s gone or something like that, and he’s not going to be back for a while or what not, I’ll be like, “Oh, okay.” Just some time in the early afternoon, some thought will enter my mind and I can’t get it out of my min and like, “Oh, he’s not going to be home for hours, better go masturbate.”

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 9: Sometimes I grab a video from Tumblr, from Reddit kind of thing and sometimes it’s a Literotica story. Sometimes it’s pegging. Sometimes it’s not. Yeah, it’s so varied.

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Do you swallow during a blow job or not?

SPEAKER 1: Yes.

SPEAKER 2: Swallow.

SPEAKER 3: I spit. I don’t need to swallow anymore. I’m married. I gave him two kids. I’m not taking that shit in.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 3: Okay, so one time we had a fight and I swallowed after that and he’s like, “You don’t have to do that. Don’t ever feel like you have to do that.”

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 4: I do swallow when I choose. I love fellatio when I really like the person and also when I’m aware of the kinds of fluids that the person eats.

SPEAKER 5: I do.

SPEAKER 6: I do swallow. I used to not swallow but I swallow now. It got inconvenient to spit. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 7: I started not minding the taste. I kind of like the taste now.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 8: Swallow if the moment’s right but I’m a big fan of seeing it squirt everywhere. That’s really what I love to watch. That’s the best moment for me is to like feel him about to go and then just watch it.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 9: Swallow. Cleanliness is important, tidiness.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 10: It’s a challenge too sometimes because it’s all about timing. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 10: Because that normally isn’t just one squirt, it’s a couple and so it’s like, “Timing, okay, swallow now. Oh, oh no there’s too much, oh God, now I’m going to gag.” And it’s funny because every time I start gagging, we start laughing.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 10: Which for us is great. I love laughter during sex. So for me, that’s just hilarious but for other people it might take them out of their mind space but I love it.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC]

LEAH: How much noise do you make during sex?

SPEAKER 1: A medium amount, I’m not super quiet but I’m also not very loud. I could live with other people around me with thin walls and we’d be fine. It wouldn’t be a huge problem.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 2: I make a lot of noise. I am very vocal. I do. I’ve experienced both ways because I often thought that I was just being vocal as a performance aspect but I do find that when I’m not vocal, it’s a lot harder for me to cum. Hearing my own voice and hearing ecstasy helps me to cum faster or at all. And also, when I hear other people, there’s been so many times where I’ve heard my neighbors upstairs having sex, and that’s turned me on so much and they’re very vocal.

SPEAKER 3: A lot. And sometimes it’s laughing and sometimes it’s, “Oh my fucking God.”

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 3: Or “More” or “Here”, but yeah, I make a lot of noise.

SPEAKER 4: It can go either way. With the kids, we can be really quiet but when the kids are not home, especially when we’re using a toy, I can be screaming and laughing at the same time like really loud.

SPEAKER 5: I’m not super noisy but I like to talk and I like to be talked to. I really like for the person to be whispering in my ear so that I’m hearing but I’m also feeling the sensation of their breath on my ear so that adds arousal for me. But I love for them to tell me what they’re doing or what it feels like or what they like to do.

SPEAKER 6: I would say I’m like medium. I’m definitely a heavy breather and when I’m getting close to orgasm then I will be louder.

SPEAKER 7: I think in general, I don’t scream. I know that. I think I moan and make noise but I would definitely say that for the times that I’m probably the loudest, I’m also not at all focused on what’s happening, sound wise so I don’t really know.

SPEAKER 8: I’m moderately noisy. Again, it depends on context but I definitely have a voice. When I was married, I was incredibly silent. I was totally silent. I could even orgasm. I could orgasm silently without touching myself. I could just do it in my thinking and I can make myself have an orgasm.

SPEAKER 9: I’m pretty quiet actually. It’s usually more like a louder outburst right at the end but up until then, I’m usually fairly quiet about things. I try to let my partner know how I’m feeling but sometimes I actually have to think, “Oh yeah, make noise.”

SPEAKER 10: I want to make a lot so it’s hard for me to do that when I have house mates but I’m pretty vocal.

SPEAKER 11: A ridiculous amount. I can’t have neighbors. SPEAKER 12: A lot.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 12: A lot and sometimes I see other people and they’re just like, “uh, uh”, and I’m like, “What’s wrong with me?”

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 13: For me, it’s like a pressure valve. If I’m holding it in, the pleasure isn’t as good. And letting out kind of lets that energy flow and just kind of magnifies that pleasure.

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Do you prefer penetration or external stimulation? SPEAKER 1: Penetration.

SPEAKER 2: I don’t have a preference. I would prefer both. The orgasm from the clitoris is much different from inside. However, I can cum either way and the closeness I feel to my partner when he’s inside me is unlike anything else.

SPEAKER 3: Clit stimulation please.

SPEAKER 4: I’ll be honest. Sometimes I’m just too lazy for foreplay and I just want to get off. I just want to have sex and just get that out of the way because I want to feel good from it. It just takes away your stress. So at that time, I’m not interested in anything else, just fuck me and we’re not making love right. You’re just fucking me. So it just depends on what I’m looking at what the mood is.

SPEAKER 5: Actually, I prefer to be penetrated because I like thumbs better than fingers. And the reason is because if someone is laying parallel to you and they insert their thumb. So say you’re on the left side and the other person’s on the right side, then they would insert that hand, that thumb inside and then I can squeeze my legs together and so I can get the inside of my clitoris stimulated and the outside stimulated at the same time and it makes for the most delicious orgasms ever.

SPEAKER 6: Penetration.

SPEAKER 7: I’ve never had one from penetration so I have to say clit. SPEAKER 8: Penetration.

SPEAKER 9: I would say it’s more of penetration for me. I kind of need both, it’s not that I can’t cum without penetration but it’s easier for me.

SPEAKER 10: Clit stimulation.

SPEAKER 11: I don’t have a preference and sometimes, it’s having stimulation in three places. I don’t

want to say that there’s a favorite but that’s kind of one of the favorites is three places. SPEAKER 12: They feel very different, but I like both.

[MUSIC]

LEAH: Do you prefer to be the giver or receiver of sexual pleasure?

SPEAKER 1: That’s tough because I like both. I think when I first started having sex I wanted to be the giver because I was more in control of it. And as we’ve discussed, that was a thing for me. But I think now in my life, it’s just reciprocal, it’s kind of like a beautiful exchange to be able to give and receive. So I like both.

[LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 2: I’m learning more and more to be the receiver since that’s still a new area for me, I would say I’m both. I really love giving and I really love receiving.

SPEAKER 3: Receiver, I’m selfish. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 4: Yeah, I like to be both. I really love giving pleasure because it’s such a power trip and I love being the receiver of pleasure also.

SPEAKER 5: The receiver.

SPEAKER 6: That’s a very hard question. [LAUGHTER]

SPEAKER 6: 50/50, yeah.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC]

LEAH: So my friends I hope you enjoyed that little compilation as much as I enjoyed putting it together and I hope that you heard something in there that really spoke to you. I know that making the first season of this podcast has really spoken to me in ways that I didn’t even expect. It has been joyful.

There’s been a lot of difficulty. I had to learn how to use equipment. I had to learn how to do all the technical stuff that goes with making a podcast, but the actual conversations and the sharing of those conversations with you, that piece has been nothing less than joyful. And I’m just so grateful to all of you for showing up. It’s helped me to find my voice and understand who I am and what’s important to me. The fact that others have shown up to find it enlightening and useful, that has been the best gift I could have ever asked for.

So as we wind this season down, I wanted to share some reflections on some of the moments that really stood out to me throughout this season of incredible stories. And the first one that stands out really clearly to me is in the very first episode Liz talked about sitting on a rope swing when she was age 5 and not knowing what it was that felt good but knowing “Oh, this feels good and I want to do it again!” And I had a listening party for that very first episode when the podcast launched and that moment, when she told that story, was electric in the room with the women listening to it. As soon as the podcast ended and we all started talking, that was the first thing that people started talking about, “Oh my God, the rope swing, I had that exact same experience!” And all of these women, who maybe would not normally talk about or even think about that moment at age 5 when they climbed on a rope swing were suddenly all sharing that memory of that innocent moment when they first discovered, “Oh, something feels really good!” And that was so fun to witness that sharing. So I got excited about the idea of listening parties for these episodes and I would love to encourage all of you as we move into Season 2 later this spring, maybe you want to have a listening party with some of your friends.

Moving on, Jessi Kneeland talked about thinking, “Well, sure something kind of shitty happened but it could have been so much worse.” As she put it, “If you hear about a girl who got kidnapped and was somebody’s sex slave, you’re like well, someone touched me inappropriately”, you feel guilty because other people have it so much worse. We put ourselves on a spectrum of who deserves to heal. That is such an important message. There is always going to be someone who has it “worse” than you do. There’s always going to be somebody who has a more treacherous, more violent, more trauma inducing story than you do. That does not mean that you’re not allowed to hurt over what happened to you and it does not mean that you are not allowed to heal. You are allowed to feel the feelings and have your experience and do the work to heal so that you can have the healthiest, happiest, most fulfilling sex life that is possible for you.

Turning to the topic of religion, Terri told some really interesting stories about having grown up in Pakistan and then moving to the US at age 10 and how sort of having a foot in two worlds really affected her relationship with sex and sexuality because she learned a lot of lessons from Islam about how boys and girls are never meant to touch and you’re not even allowed to watch kissing scenes in movies. And then she came to the US and all of her girlfriends were doing all of these things and she wanted to do them too. And she talked about how as she became more and more Americanized, that she received a

lot of pushback and even rejection from her family. And something that really struck out to me was when she said, “I still believe in Islam. I realized that no matter what religion you are, God will never be okay with you treating other humans like garbage.” This has really stuck with me and kept me thinking and it sparked an interest for me in talking to people who have grown up in various religious backgrounds. And so you’re going to start to hear more of those stories in Season 2 of people who grew up in really strict religious backgrounds and how that affected their attitudes and their experiences of sex. I’m really looking forward to doing those interviews.

I have to tell you how much I loved doing the interview with Tristan. I know that he’s not the face that you would expect to go with a podcast called Good Girls Talk About Sex but he was so open and generous in talking about his experience as a transman and the attitudes and behaviors that he learned while growing up in a body that the world saw as female and how that has changed now that he is living in his true identity as a man. And I especially loved when he was talking about how we tell other people about the things about us that makes us nervous. He was talking specifically about dating as a transman and wondering, “How do I roll this out to people so that they hear it as a potential positive rather than assuming that it’s negative?” He said, “I want to send them the message that I’m empowered and this is going to be super fun for both of us! So it’s not going to be treacherous.”

I love that. As a woman who has been concerned about the size of her body since I was a young teenager until the last couple of years, I have gone into every dating experience assuming that my body would be unacceptable to the person on the other side of the date and that I was going to be rejected so I had to figure out ways to mitigate the awfulness of my body so that they would get to know me before rejecting my body. This one mindset shift could have changed everything from me. To look at my body and say, “There’s nothing awful here. I have extra flesh to grab and you’re not going to get that from some little mini skinny twinky.” No offence to the mini skinny twinkies out there.

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: And you have your own special things that you bring to the table but that each of us is showing up in a body that’s going to be super exciting for somebody and we need to show up in a way that lets that person know who is going to be excited about it, who lets that person be excited and know that we’re not going to be bringing a ton of drama to the table about, “Do you love me because I’m fat?” And “Oh, I need you to constantly tell me that I’m okay and I need you to constantly do this and I need you to never say the wrong things, etc.” That we can be the ones who shift that conversation, I just love that.

And finally, probably my favorite quote of the entire season came from Kate. She’s the dancer at a strip club. I absolutely love when I asked her the question that I thought a lot of people would be wondering which is, “What happened that you became a stripper?” Her response was, “What happened to me that I became a stripper? What happened to you that you became a cop or a marriage counselor?”

[LAUGHTER]

LEAH: I think that’s the most brilliant answer because it’s true. We all just do different things and once again, as long as we’re doing something that gives us pleasure, that doesn’t hurt anybody else without their consent, what the fuck are we all so worried about?

And so my friends, we come to the end of Season 1 of Good Girls Talk About Sex. Thank you again for spending this time with me. I look forward to seeing you again soon. I’m going to take a little bit of time off to record episodes for Season 2 and I’ll be back near the end of May.

In the meantime, keep an eye on this feed. I may drop a couple other little tidbits in the feed during the off season. I don’t want to promise anything but it’s possible that there will be some small little tidbits that I can share with you during the off season. Please do come find me on YouTube, I’m releasing a video there once a week at IamLeahCarey. The link will be in the Show Notes.

Also, if you don’t know, I am a sexual communication coach. If you would like to learn how to communicate more effectively with your partner so that you’re getting more of what you want in the bedroom, let me know. Also, if you are someone who is still dating and trying to find a partner and you want to communicate more effectively so that you’re having better sexual experiences while you’re playing the field as it were, please get in touch, I would love to talk to you.

I am here to help women to identify what they really desire and then effectively communicate that so they start getting it. I no longer want us to be lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling fan, waiting for it to be over. I want us to be getting the pleasure that we want and deserve, not only because that’s what we should be having but because it’ll make it better for our partners too. So, please come find me leahcarey.com.

I will see you soon for Season 2 and until then, here’s to your better sex life! [MUSIC]

Support the show:

All archived Good Girls Talk About Sex audio extras are now available for FREE!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

I’ve done this because not everyone has the means to pay for access, and I know this additional material can be deeply important for some listeners. But creating this show isn’t free, so if you’d like to support the work I do, I am grateful for your contributions at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

I donate 10% of all Patreon proceeds to ARC Southeast

Be part of the show:

Rate the pod – Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Have a question or comment – Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739) – this is a voicemail-only line, so I promise you won’t have to talk to someone in person!

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Episode credits:

Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support – Lara O’Connor, Maria Franco
Music – Nazar Rybak

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